


The Fire in Our Souls

by theodora_theexplorer



Category: Real Person Fiction
Genre: Angst, Beauty - Freeform, Boyband, Dark, Depression, F/F, F/M, Fire, Loss, Love, Romance, Sex, Teenage Rebellion, Tragedy, secret, teen drama
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-12-31
Updated: 2021-01-18
Packaged: 2021-03-11 00:27:22
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 11
Words: 24,858
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28462383
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/theodora_theexplorer/pseuds/theodora_theexplorer
Summary: "We are all born with matches in our souls, a flame in our hearts. We cannot keep the flame alight without the first strike of the match. We search for the one who keeps our flame ignited. But don't get too close to the fire, for it always burns."All our lives, we search for the one's who ignite our soul, fill our world with bright colors and beautiful views. Some try to pull os out of the fire, others learn how not to get burned. What happens when two flames collide?Callie. 24. She's private and secluded but wants so much more out of life. She dreams of the love written about in books, but she's too scared to look for it. Someone to light the fire that burned out long ago. Abandoned by family, by friends, she travels looking for places to stay. She trusts no one living by the flight of her wings. She meets a boy. She feels a spark instantly, but life is far too complicated and danger lurks around every corner.Collin. 27. Music has been his only outlet. He's fun and wild but he has a dark side. Living on the fly, new cities, new people. He never has time to keep up with anyone but himself. How will he overcome the urges?How will they live? How will they survive the labyrinth?





	1. Good Riddance

What do we do when the world is against us? Our friends hate us, our parents deserted us, we are alone. Scream into a pillow, throw things against the wall, blast music, anything to cope with the feelings that won't disappear. No matter what, they won't. 

"Life is what happens when you're busy making other plans." -John Lennon

I don't remember much of my childhood. I don't have pictures of opening presents on Christmas, no sacred gifts I keep behind lock and key. I don't have any happy memories with my parents or my siblings. Nothing.

As I lay in the bed, the comforter scratchy and worn but the sheets are warm and soft and smell like low-grade detergent. I'm thankful for a bed, I'm thankful to see the light shining through the curtains, illuminating the dust on the table. I curl up under the covers, taking in every bit of the warmth. I've been in many beds in my life. Friends who lend a hand every once and a while, some one night stands, but hotel beds are something different. I never had a bed of my own, no bedroom filled with posters on the walls, a closet to hang my clothing, I had nothing...I still have nothing.

Growing up how I did, it leaves permanent scars on you. Both physically and within your soul. I remember the bad parts, all of the bad parts. The bad always outweighs the good. 

Slamming doors. Harsh screams. The crash as the glass breaks on the floor. I remember that the most. I'd hide in the closet at the end of the hall, my hands over my ears as I tried anything to drown them out. My parents fought a lot, fought over money, over food, over living. They fought about anything and everything they could. And then they would stop, and things would be okay, but only for a moment. As I got older, it only got worse but easier to escape from. Instead of hiding in the hall closet, I jumped out the back window and ran off to whatever house was having a party that day. 

"You want a hit?" The joint is passed around the group on the couches. The puffs of smoke hide us from everyone. The name 'pothead' never bothered me much, it was more like my superpower. I was the one who always had weed, ability to get alcohol. It was easy. I stole my mom's ID all the time, mainly because I looked just like her. The clerk at my usual store never questioned it, sometimes he doesn't even check it. Weed is easier to obtain than alcohol, unregulated and easier to come by. Especially in California. 

I watch as the joint is passed from person to person, each taking their hit, but it always ends the same. Someone took too many hits and gets up to leave, another can't stop coughing so they get up from the couch. And sooner or later, I'm left on the couch alone, no one to talk to, just me and my joint. I watch as everyone else parties, playing flip cup on the counter, beer pong on the table, kissing in the corner or a couple heading up the stairs to fuck. Then there's me, blowing my smoke up to the ceiling, watching as it disperses into the air and disappears. I wish I could do that. Float up high above everyone and everything, and just disappear into the stars. 

"What are you doing?" The words stop me in my tracks, well, in the midst of climbing through the windowsill. I look up, my birth giver stands in the doorway. I don't give her the satisfaction of my mother because she was never one. She never acted like a mom. Mother's are supposed to give you love, support, care. She never did that, she was never that type. "Get in here before your father hears you. You know what will happen." She pulls me inside and shuts the window as quiet as possible. "Don't worry, he's probably still passed out on the couch. After he gave you that shiner on your eye." I point as I stumble past her. "You're drunk?" She questions, if I saw her face, I'd see more disappointment that I'm slowly turning into my father instead of being his punching bag. "And a little high." I laugh and fall back on my futon. It was cheaper than a bed and stolen from a frat house. Since my bed used to be the floor, this is an upgrade. 

"Are you stupid? If he finds out your not only drunk but also high? Do you know what he'll do?" She stands in the middle of the room, her hushed tones on purpose in order to keep him passed out on the couch. "Yeah, he'll check his liquor supply and make sure no one stole any, and probably forget about the weed since I also did not take that from him." I lean up on my elbow, kicking my boots to the floor and turning away from her. She sighs, quiet enough that she thinks I don't hear. But I know, I hear the disappointment in her sigh, I see it in her eyes. She doesn't want me to turn into him, but I would rather die than turn into either of them. He's a drunk and she gets hit, it doesn't matter what it's over or who misplaced what, it's always the same. She fucks up, he hits her, I fuck up, I get hit. Best way not to get hit is to not be home. One day, I won't be, ever again. 

"Tell me why I shouldn't throw you to the curb?" He paces back and fourth as I sit on the couch. I say nothing. He runs his fingers through his hair. "God Callie, tell me why I should kick you to the fucking curb?" He stops, staring at me now. "I'm seventeen years old, you could kick me to the curb if you wanted to. Would be better than this place." He lunges to me, I instinctively bring my knees to my chest, pushing my head down and covering it. He grabs me, pulling me up by my arms and throwing me to the floor. Before I can comprehend where I am in the room, a swift kick to the ribs. I feel all of the air escape my lungs, breathless. I say nothing as I feel another blow to my legs and again on my stomach. In seconds, it's over. The room goes quiet. I bite my lip so hard, there's blood in my mouth. "Maybe that will teach you to shut your dirty mouth." He spits as he walks to the back room. The only thing lighting up the room is the street lamp on the corner. I lay there for a moment, not moving, not breathing. 

I gather myself, grabbing the corner of the wall for support. I stand, but not upright, enough to hobble to my futon and slump over. Two more weeks and I'm out. Two more weeks and I'll be a legal adult, able to leave on my own terms, find my own happiness away from this dump, away from them. And the best part is, they can't try and have the cops find me, can't file a report on someone who doesn't want to be found. A legal adult at the age of eighteen. Once that day comes, I'm gone. 

I've had my things packed for weeks. Hidden away in part of the wall that comes off in the hall closet. I found it over years of hiding there during their fights. A small duffle, full of everything I own. I know he hides cash in a lock box in his closet. Tomorrow night, he'll be gone, on a bender with his friends. He doesn't come back for hours and if he does, he's too drunk to notice. I have money saved up from working dumb jobs, stuff they don't know about. Since I was old enough to understand what was happening, I planned to get out, and I've saved every penny, minus using it on some weed here and there. It was all for this moment, the moment I leave this place and never look back. 

I wait the right amount of time. I wait until I'm sure he's gone and way too trashed to walk in when I'm in the midst of my escape. She was gone, working her life away at the hospital. Where all her money went into his drinking problem. I sit and I wait. The only sound is the clock ticking on the wall. I sit in silence, the street lamp outside is the only way to see the clock on the wall. The way the seconds pass, every second closer to my departure. 

Tick. Tock. Tick. Tock. Tick. 

It's midnight, my birthday. I run to the closet, pulling apart the wooden boards that hide my duffle. I pull it out, not even putting the boards back. I want them to know I'm gone. In the closet, the top shelf to the right, behind old clothes and dust is the lock box. It needs a key to the lock hanging on the outside, I never noticed. I run to the kitchen, pulling the drawers open for anything I can use to pop it open. I stand on a chair to look in the cabinet above the fridge. An old, dusty screwdriver lays on top of the fridge, the mark is left with a perfect outline of dust. 

Holding the box from the top, I hear the sound of the broken lock and jack it open. Wads of cash, rolled together by rubber bands. I stuff all of it in the duffle, taking one last moment in the middle of the kitchen. This is it, this is finally it. The moment I leave this place forever. I'll never come back to this. The dust covered counters, glass in the corner of the room, dented walls and empty cabinets. 

I rummage through the drawers, looking for any paper to write on. I need one last thing before I go, to let them know I'm never coming back. I find a small piece of paper and a sharpie, scribbling down the last thing they will ever hear from me. 

Good Riddance.


	2. Alone

"It's so hard to leave-until you leave. And then it's the easiest goddamn thing in the world." -John Green

There is no direct path, no line that leads me onward, just my footsteps left behind. The air is cool but not cold. My boots hit the ground as I walk, not entirely sure my direction or the ultimate destination. I walk, one foot at a time, step by step. Onward. 

The ground is wet. I watch as the raindrops fall, slowly in some parts but faster as I keep walking. Faster as I feel my legs moving, running. Faster and faster until I feel my legs almost give out. I stop, a splash of a puddle making my jeans wet and a sloshing feeling in my shoes. "Bus Station" is the only lights around, it illuminates the dark road. It's quiet, nothing but the pouring rain hitting my jacket and dripping down my face. 

"Where ya going hun?" The woman at the desk asks. Her eye makeup bright pink but not nearly as bright as her red lipstick, which seems to have come off on her front tooth. The smacking of her lips from the gum in her mouth makes me slightly nauseated. After a momentary pause, she finally looks up at me from her phone. Her eyes shoot between my soaking wet clothes and barely covered bruise from the rain that washed my makeup off. "One ticket please, going anywhere but here." She nods, sitting up and typing on her computer, which is probably older than she is. "Farthest the buses go is Colorado. One-way is $125, roundtrip is $250." I look around at the lights of the bus station. Should I travel East? See the mountains on the way? Or head south where it's warm? "Anywhere I can go for $75? One way please." She smacks her gum making a popping noise in her mouth, rolling it around with her tongue. 

"That'll take you to Seattle. Best I can do." I slide the money under the glass case and she swipes it before I could even let it go. She types on her computer and a ticket prints out from an old, dusty printer beside her. "Bus leaves in an hour, you can wait on the bench over there." She doesn't even point, just a head nod to her left. There, sits an old, green bench made of metal. Under the rooftop, the water drips quickly and falls into puddles on the ground. The puddles run like a small river into the grate and down under the road. Imagine how much runoff we could use to water plants? It seems like a waste to drop down into the sewer and mix with our bodily waste. 

As time ticks by, I find myself counting the drops of water, watching them fall and run off into the grate. It feels like a lifetime has passed, a lifetime I didn't ask for. If I talked back, I got hit. If I came home on time, I got hit. If I didn't speak at all, I got hit. He was a drunk, a coward. She was subordinate and weak. I don't want to be like them. I will NOT be like them. 

In the midst of my trance, the bus pulls up. The squeaking in its brakes forces it to a slow halt. The doors slide open slowly and the driver nods but does not look directly at me. "Ticket please," he asks as I hand it to him. He still doesn't look up at me and slides it into a box by his feet. I find a seat along the left side. The old, blue carpet-like seats are paired up in twos. No other person on the bus except for me. I bet if I didn't buy a ticket, he wouldn't of even had to stop here. I slip into the seat closest to the window. Only minutes go by before the bus steams bellow from the sides and the drive eases into motion. I watch as the "Bus Station" sign fades from view. The trees pass by as we speed up onto the interstate. I grab my duffle, zipping open the side pocket and pulling out my old cassette player. I bought it at a thrift shop for pretty cheap. Since everyone is so into downloading on their phones, this is my favorite way to listen. Recorded onto tapes instead of drown out in an electronic music library. I was never one for fancy, overpriced things. The cassette player and few tapes only cost me a couple of bucks since no one ever buys them. I let the song play, the deep voice and far off strums of a guitar, a slow build into the climax of the song. I let them drift me to sleep. For the first time in forever I can sleep without fear. I am free. 

~

I find myself being shaken awake, the early morning light makes the bus seem less like a road to hell and more like an old, stinky CDTA. "You alright there darlin?" She asks like she's concerned, but I don't see it in her eyes. She sits back in her seat, across from me. Her hair blonde with pink and purple streaks, makeup half rubbed off on her face. "Yeah, I'm good." I sit up, composing myself. I look out the window as the sun creeps over the mountains and through the trees. "Good. Wanted to make sure ya weren't dead or somethin'." She leans back in her seat, puffing cigarette smoke into the air. "So, where ya comin' from?" I watch as she takes another long drag. "So. Cal." I rub my eyes trying to adjust. "Ah how is it there? I've never been down that way. Mostly been in Portland my whole life. Figured it was time to gettin' gone. I'm originally from Birmingham myself. Never got out there much, tills now." She smiles, tossing her cigarette into an old can beside her. I nod as I hear the squeaking of the brakes and the bus slides to a stop. 

"Last stop before heading back down the coast. If you're where you need to be, time to get off." The drive yells to the back. There's only three of us on the bus besides him. I slide my things back in my duffle, making sure the money is still hidden in an old makeup bag under my things. All of it seems to be there except for the bit I've used. I zip up the bag and sling it over my shoulder as I walk off the bus. A few steps and I'm on the ground, a new place, a new life, a new me. I look around, nothing but tall buildings and busy streets. It's much different than back home, but that was the only place I'd ever known. So I guess anywhere is different than there. 

~ 

"One room please. Cheapest one you have." The older man nods from behind his desk turning away and looking at the keys on the wall. He hands me one for room 13. "On the house love. You look like you've been through something. It's the least I can do. How long are you planning on staying?" He asks, handing me the room keys. "I appreciate it. Although, I don't know how long I will be here. I will pay you something weekly. And once I get a job and enough money, I will give you everything I can." He smiles. "You remind me of my granddaughter. She passed some years ago. Anything else I can do for you this evening?" He smiles, holding my hand in his for a moment. "No, thank you." I grab my things and bring them to the room. A small motel, most of the rooms connected in a long hallway. I drop my duffle on the bed, sitting on the end. My own real bed, my own lamp on the nightstand. A clean, single use bathroom all to myself. I pull out the money hidden in the bottom of my duffle, laying it out on the bed. Fifteen hundred dollars in different bills after counting it out. 

I scramble up the money, putting it at the bottom of a sock and hiding it in my duffle. No sense in unpacking, who knows how long I'll be here. I lay back down on the bed, wondering what to do next. Before long, I'm awaken by the sound of my rumbling stomach, food is the only think I can think about now. I slide my boots and jacket back on walking the long lit hallway back to the front door. A "be back soon" sign hangs in the window, the lights off as I peer through the window. With lights ahead, I follow into the streets of the city. Corner stores, salons and spa's all closed for the night. After what feels like miles of walking, there's an old corner grocery open late. I slide the door open and the bells rings. 

"We're closed" a voice yells from somewhere in the store. "I'm sorry, I saw the lights on. I'm traveling and haven't eaten anything. I was just trying to get some cheap snacks." Walking down the aisle, I grab some potato chips and chocolate snack rolls. Filling up my arms with food that looks appetizing. At this point, dirt would seem appetizing. "I told you we were closed" the voice appears closer and I look up to a tall boy standing in front of me. I jump as the food in my hands fall to the floor. The sound makes him look up from his clipboard in his hands. His eyes look right to the food I've dropped next to my soaking wet and muddy boots. I'm not sure if I'm just deprived of food or stressed from everything that happened but he looks far too young to be running the store alone, especially late at night. I stand there, not even jumping to grab the food from the floor. I'm mesmerized by his long legs, his tight, dark washed jeans that just barely hang off his hips. His short, sort of messy brown hair sits perfectly on his head. His hands holding the clipboard but I'm staring at the strength of them. Carrying boxes is one thing, but the knuckles on his right hand are bruised different colors. From purple and blue to a greenish-yellow, meaning different stages of healing.

"I-I'm sorry" stumbled out of my mouth at almost a whisper. His eyes finally meet mine and I feel my spine shiver, the goosebumps forming on my arms. I lean down, almost falling over as I do and scrambling to pick everything up from the floor. He doesn't smile and I can see the annoyance in his face. "I'm sorry." 

"You already said that." He doesn't move a muscle, neither does his facial expression. "I haven't eaten in a while and everything I've walked by is locked with the lights off. If you were closed, maybe you should put a sign up, or god forbid lock the damn door." I'm over his annoyance with me. I'm sleep deprived, starving, and I just fucking left home for christ sake, can't he just cut me a break? "Fine. I'll check you out but then, I'm locking the door." I follow him to the register, grabbing a can of soda to drink on the way over. He didn't bother asking if I needed help carrying anything, not that I do but it's a courtesy to ask. I line everything up on the counter as he rings it up. "Can I also have some rolling papers and a lighter? Please." He huffs under his breath, turning on his heels to grab the things I asked for and ring them up. "$31.54" He doesn't even look up when I hand him over the cash. The coin machine gives me my change and he starts to walk back to what he was doing. Instead of asking for a bag, I reach across the counter and grab a plastic bag from the dispenser. He doesn't even notice. I slip out the front door without seeing him again. Sitting on the side of the building to roll a joint quick. Might as well block the pain I guess. 

I finish as I reach the motel, unlocking the door and shutting it behind me. I dump all of the food on the bed, scarfing down some chocolate rolls while I wait for the shower to warm up. Thankfully, this motel has enough to put tv's with a few channels in every room. I slip between the sheets, surrounded by food wrappers and watch Friends re-runs. I fall asleep without even finishing an episode. The first sleep alone, and I'm fine with it.


	3. The Lonely Girl and The Empath

I roll over in bed, my eyes still shut from the full nights sleep. The sun creeps through the windows, making the dust in the room more apparent in the light. As I lay on the warm sheets, there's a soft knock at the door. I slide out of bed, my oversized flannel hangs off of one shoulder. I fix my shorts, pulling them down so they cover me. I peek through the door hole to see who is knocking. The older man from the front desk stands there, waiting, holding a tray with food. I slide the chain off and unlock it, slowly opening to see him. He smiles, the sun peering through the clouds. "I thought you might be hungry. Figured this would be better than corner story grocery food." He leans out the tray to hand it to me. I grab it, the smell of bacon emanating from the covered lid. "Would you care to sit with me for a bit?" He nods, taking his hat and jacket off. I sit at the small, circular table. He slides the chair out and eases into it, his hands falling together in his lap. 

"So my dear, what brings you to Seattle? You don't seem much of the traveler type and by the look of you on your arrival, you seem lost." He looks at me, his eyes are soft, his face calm but I can see the worn of his wrinkles. His smiles lines point to happiness in his life, but I can see the hurt in him, he has seen sadness. "I, um...I" I stutter, trying to find the words. "You don't have to tell me. I understand. You come from something harsh, traumatic. Whatever brought you here, brought you here for a reason. I read people, it's been something I've had throughout my lifetime. I feel things more deeply than most. Some sort of a gift to the other side, I sense things, those who have passed on before us." He stops, giving me a moment to take his words in. "What does that mean?" I ask, my mouth full of bacon. "May I hold your hand for a moment? I will show you." I nod, wiping my hand off on a napkin. I hold out my hand to him, he holds it one hand on top and one on the underside closing his eyes. We're quiet, I can almost hear the dust flying in the air, the room is still. The only sound is the air moving in and out of our lungs. He smiles, without opening his eyes at all, a grin from ear to ear. A small chuckle escapes his lips and his shoulders bounce up and down. I watch as the happiness drain from him, his smile falls to a frown, his body slumps back in the chair, almost lifeless. He opens his eyes, putting my hand softly on the table. He runs his hands through his silvery hair, sighing while looking at the ground. 

His silence is deafening, the only things to go on are his expressions. He stays this way, finding the words. Finally, he breaks the barrier between us. "You have been through much sadness, but there is someone, somewhere looking out for you. Someone you do not know, you have not been told about. Someone who has been with you from the very beginning of your existence but did not make it into their own. They have seen what you have gone through, but they have pulled you out of Satan's grasp." My lungs let out a sigh as if I was unable to breathe before. "Now my dear, I do not believe in a God, or a powerful being above who conjures our every existence. I believe in the cosmos, the aligning of our universe to create a Big Bang. The moments we cherish, the moments we push down so deep we forget they ever existed. In this, we cannot decide the good or the bad that happens to us, they do. I know what your parents did to you, your father. I know what he did to you when you were unable to stop it. I know how you felt. But there is someone here for you, someone watching over you. And they cannot prevent what happens. They gave you this opportunity, and much more that will come, believe that...believe me." He leans forward now on the table, taking my hand in his again. 

"Callie..." His voice soft now, almost breaking. His hands are slightly shaking as he holds mine. I feel the tears rolling down my cheeks. "You had a twin brother. He died shortly after he was born. He had a heart defect that didn't allow it to work on it's own outside of the womb. Once the connection was severed, he had moments to live and he stayed next to you. Your bodies close and hands touching as he took his last breath with you. And he has been watching over you since." In this moment, I lost it, I hold both of his hands in mine now. Our eyes full of tears, they fall off our faces like a pouring rain off a rooftop ledge. We sit there for a moment and our tears turn into laughter, a slight giggle between the two of us. He smiles at it feels like the darkness has left me. 

Our hands let go and I turn back to my breakfast, sniffling and wiping my eyes. "You know, this isn't a proper breakfast. How about I take you to Sally's? They have an amazing breakfast spread and I could use the company." He stands as he talks, shuffling to the door grabbing his hat and jacket. "Sounds great. Let me change quickly and I will meet you out front of the main office?" He nods as he shuts the door softly behind him. I sit for a minute, absorbing all of this information he has given me. I kind of new I had a sibling. When I was little, my birth giver would take me to a cemetery, on the better days when he was gone or too drunk to function. She would take me only a once a year on my birthday. We stopped going once I was getting older because it was too hard for her to explain when I started asking questions. But how did this man know that? How did he know about my past, with my life givers, about the night I couldn't stop what happened to me? 

I grab my things and change into some leggings and oversized flannel. I throw over my jacket and a beanie, locking the door behind me. I see the old man sitting at a table and chairs in front of the office, his cane sits next to him against his leg. He sees me, standing up slowly from the chair. "Shall we go my dear?" He shuffles off down the road as I follow. He walks fine without the cane he could get rid of it. Maybe he has balance problems? 

I follow him across the parking lot when a small VW Beetle. It looks old but like he's taken care of it for many years. He slides in the drivers side, leaning over to unlock my door. I climb in, admiring the perfectly crafted seats and interior. He turns the key, igniting the engine in a roar that's like music to my ears. I've always loved older cars, they were always so beautiful. The way they look, the way they drive are so much better than any expensive, luxury car. He smiles from the drivers seat as we head out of the city and into the country side. "I've had this baby since 1967. I've kept her looking nice all these years because she's worth it. I've never been without this car. He slides his fingers over the dash, admiring his handy work. Looking out the window at the trees flying by, the sun lurking through the leaves and the lines on the road as we drive. 

"Hey Mr. Edgar nice to see you again. And you've brought someone with you." The woman at the front smiles, turning to look at me. "Yes, my friend Callie. Wonderful day." He heads over to a side booth next to a window. He slides in motioning for me to sit across from him. "Hey there Mr. Edgar! The usual?" The waitress asks, not even holding paper to write on. "Yes please and a cup of coffee." She smiles. "And for your friend here?" She motions to me smiling wide. "Um, I think I'll need another minute to look at the menu." She nods and heads to the back. "So, Mr. Edgar, you seem like a regular." I grab a menu from the holder at the end of the table. "Been here once or twice." He sits tall, proud of himself. "Alright, you get enough time to look?" The waitress puts down two cups of coffee in front of us and a large vanilla shake in front of the manager, who I now know is Mr. Edgar. "Yes, I would like the oatmeal pancakes with raspberries, a side of home fries and a large chocolate shake." She smiles and nods walking away and through the kitchen door. "Milkshake huh?" Mr. Edgar smiles, sipping his. "Looked good!" 

"I would love to have you join me for breakfast on Sunday's. I always go to Sally's every Sunday morning. It's my favorite place in Seattle." He parks the car in the lot and I follow him to the main office. "I would love that Mr. Edgar." He stops before going in the door. "Oh please, call me Henry." He smiles, unlocking the door and walking in. I nod, even though he isn't looking at me. I walk down the path to my room and unlock the door. 

Henry. My first friend.


	4. History

"What do you mean she's gone?" I yell as he tears apart the house. "I don't know, but her stuff is gone, she hasn't been home in days.." his sentence cuts off as he stares at the broken open box on the bed. "And that little bitch took all of my money." He throws the box across the room, it smashes to the floor leaving a hole in the wall. I stand in the doorway completely frozen. Thinking about my little girl, she left on her birthday and we have not seen her since. I remember the day she was born, it was the best day of my life. She came out screaming and crying but I've never seen something so beautiful. I watched as they put her in an incubator, hooking her up to tubes, right next to her brother, Alex. He died shortly after and I never told her about him. I wish I had, I wish I had left her father and took her with me. 

"What are we going to do?" I whisper, she looks over at me after running his fingers through his hair. He stops pacing in the room, his eyes like daggers. "Well if you weren't such a shitty parent, maybe she would still be here?"

"ME? The shitty parent?" I say louder than expected. I don't stand up to him, because who knows, one day he may just kill me. I walk down the hall before he can react, hiding in Callie's room. Her bed still sits along the wall, some old clothes strewn around the floor. I lay down on her futon, hearing a crinkle as I lay my head on the pillow. I slide the pillow out of the case and a small, crumpled piece of paper falls to the floor. 

Joanie, 

I know it's shocking that I left so suddenly. But I'm sure you know the exact reasons why. I knew you would find this letter eventually. I couldn't just leave it lying around since he would find it. I want you to know, I did not leave because of you, I thought for a long time about taking you with me but I need to do this on my own. I'm sorry I took all of his money and left without telling you but I knew you would try and make me stay. I need to figure out life outside of California, outside of the constant arguing. I will come back, one day. I can't tell you where I am going but until then, stay safe. I love you mom. 

-Callie. xo

She has never called me mom, never said she loved me before. Maybe when she was little but once she got older, it was all first names or nick names, avoiding the use of "mom" and "dad." I wonder where she went, I wonder if she's safe. I hug the small blanket she has. "I love you baby girl...always." 

As we did last Sunday, Henry waits at the table outside the office, his cane laying on his lap. He sits patiently, quietly, enjoying the view from his chair. He turns his head and begins to stand up as he sees me leave my room and lock the door behind me. "Ready to go?" I say as we begin to walk. "I'm always ready my dear." We make our way down the road and Henry holds the door open for me. "Why thank you sir." He smiles and shuffles in behind me. "Hey Henry!" The waitress beams as she sees him. "Ah, I see we may have another regular?" I send her a grin and head to the same booth we sat in last week. The waitress brings out milkshakes right over and sets them in front of us. "I know Henry's usual order but what can I get you?" She places her hands on her hips as I scour the menu. "Banana's foster French toast and a side of bacon please." She smiles and walks off to the kitchen. 

"Now my dear, tell me more about how you ended up at my motel in the middle of a rainy night in March? Shouldn't you be home with your family or in school?" He asks, slurping on his shake. "Well, you see.." I stumble my words, trying to organize my thoughts. "I left home, it was my eighteenth birthday that night and I knew I had to wait until I was a legal adult. I took all the money I could and everything I owned and ran. I didn't grow up in the best of circumstances. Frankly, I don't believe it was ever a happy place. I graduated school a year early so I could get out. So I left in the middle of the night, bought a bus ticket to wherever I could afford, and that was it. I got off here and walked until I found somewhere to stay." I swirl my shake in the glass. Henry sits back in his seat, observing, listening. He nods for me to continue. 

"My father was... abusive. My mother just took it, and sometimes, I did too. If I fought back it was worse. He drank a lot, we lived in a crappy house at the end of a col-de-sac. I got good grades but I was bullied for my upbringing. I never had a tree on Christmas or a halloween costume, or a prom dress. They couldn't have been bothered with those things. So I went out, I partied, I drank and smoked... I did what I could to escape." He nods again, his voice silent. 

"So that's me. That's how I ended up here. To find something, myself maybe." I glance out the window, seeing a large bus roll in. Not like the bus line I was on to get here but a fancy one. Looks more like an RV than a bus. I expected a family to come out of the door, a dad who decided to take his trophy wife and kids camping in the mountains for spring break. Instead, out jumps five boys, tall and half tackling each other down the steps. 

"What about you? You've told me about your family but I want to know who you are." Henry sits forward now, leaning his elbows on the table. "I guess I can't really answer that. I don't even know myself yet." The waitress brings over our food and places it in front of us. As she does, the boys trip in through the entrance, alarming the bells at the door front. "Hi, can I help you?" The waitress walks over to them. "Hi yeah, um, we need a table, maybe three of them?" The tall boy looks around the room for an area with three tables. I catch his glimpse and immediately look down at my food, moving the topping around evenly. "Sure, I've got some tables back this way we could push together." She leads them away, down the walkway to the tables on the far wall. The boys help push the tables together and slide in. In minutes, the diner roars with people, a group of guys and girls come in and join them, filling every seat at their long table. Henry works on his plate of food, finishing every last bite until the plate is almost completely clean. "Wow, I'm stuffed." He leans back, patting his stomach and wiping his face with his napkin. I grin, but my eyes follow the boy who came in first and talked to the waitress, his eyes are light but I can see the darkness in them, his smile shows more pain than content. I catch his looks at me while Henry pays the bill. 

"No Henry, you don't have to pay for me." I fight. "This is my treat, my dear. I haven't had someone to eat with in a long time. Your company is worth more than the meal." He smiles. "See you next Sunday Henry... Bye hun!" The waitress yells off a waves. Henry gives her a small wave back as we head out of the diner. I help him through the door and my eyes meet the boy, he grins slightly and looks away. 

"So, what are your plans today?" We walk back to the motel and he watches the ground as he walks. "Not sure, maybe I'll do some exploring, see the city. Hopefully find a job or something." He smiles. We make it back to the motel and he heads inside. "Alright dear, I'll be here if you need anything. Don't hesitate to ask!" He walks in and the door closes softly behind him. I unlock my door and head in, looking for something slightly more appropriate. Not only for getting a job but maybe if I run into that group of guys again... I shake it off, this is no time for boys. You can't do this again....not after Aaron.

"ahh.. that was great." He plops down on the bed on his back. "Yeah.." I lay there, pulling the sheets up to cover me a little more. His bare chest visible as he lights a joint. He offers it to me and I take a long hit. I check the time on the clock next to his bed, 3 am. I roll out of bed, grabbing my panties from the floor and pulling up my jeans. "Where ya goin?" He asks, not moving a muscle. "Gotta go." I slide my long sleeve over my head and slide on my sneakers. "You can stay if you want." He doesn't sound convincing. "Thanks but if I'm not home before the sun comes up it won't be good." He doesn't even try to persuade me to stay, I slide out the door and close it quietly, making my way down the hall and through the kitchen. My hand stops on his front door, still no sound from him. No chasing after me, begging me to stay in bed, saying "everything will be alright, I've got you" ... nothing. After years, this is what it is. Late night texts and meets ups, sex and a joint after. And then I grab my shit and leave without any argument. 

I've always had a crush on him, the football superstar, prize quarterback with the most beautiful and popular girl in school. Yet, behind closed doors it isn't her he's with. It started years ago, when I was a sophomore. I had advanced beyond my years, having to get a bra before most of the girls. I grew into my body well but I was the weirdo girl, the one who always had weed and knew how to be the life of the party. I didn't care who knew it either. It started at a party one night and seven minutes in heaven...

"Alright, Lena, your turn." She spins. Of course landing on her super hot, jock boyfriend Aaron. She gleams with excitement as she grabs his hand and pulls him into the closet, locking the door. Some of the people get up and lean in close but they soon walk away. "Dear god, I'm not doing that anymore. It sounds horrible in there. If she ends up dead, I wouldn't be shocked." One girls sits back down in the circle, I didn't move at all. I've kissed boys at this point in my life sure, but getting a moment in the closet with the guy I've had a crush on for years? I couldn't imagine it would be anything. They come out, Lena fixing her hair just right on her head and pulling down her shirt. 

After a few more turns, no one lands on me but it was now my turn. I spin, hoping for anyone except Aaron. It would be terrifying and completely embarrassing. The bottle starts to slow down, and stops pointing directly at Aaron. I look between him and Lena. Lena leans over, "don't worry babe, I trust you." She kisses his cheek, giving me an angrily, scrunched face in the process. I stand, Aaron follows me to the closet and locks the door behind me. We stand there for a minute, the only light from the bottom of the doorframe. "We don't have to-" I'm cut off by his lips on mine, passionately. His tongue slips along the bottom of mine, begging for entrance. I let him in, our mouths dancing together like we've been doing it forever. He bites my lip, harshly. I feel the ping in my lower stomach, my skin feels hot. His hands move around my waist, pulling me closer to him, our bodies touching. He pulls away, keeping me close still. "I've wanted to do that for a long time," he whispers close to my ear so no one can hear outside the door. "you have?" I whisper back, his hands still holding my waist. "I've had a crush on your for a while, but we all know how high school is. I'm the quarterback so I can't be seen with someone like you. It's the laws of high school." I pull away. "The laws of high school?" Putting air quotes around his direct phrase. "Listen, how about this, we can do stuff like this on the side but keep it between us?" I pause for a moment, I've had dreams about him since middle school. And as we both started growing up, his body got more in shape from football camps. While I grew into my body rather quicker than most girls, developing a lot sooner and learning how to show it off. I'm not the smallest girl out there but it works for me. 

I realize he's waiting for my response, it would be social suicide for him and I to be a couple and I'm not really into that anyway. I smile, "lets do it." I can feel his body tense and release. "TWO MINUTES" Lena yells through the door. I feel his hands move around my body, his fingers on the back of my neck pull my face to him. I can feel his muscles under his t-shirt, their so much better than I could've imagined. His hands move down to my breasts and then my butt, squeezing it hard. A pound on the door breaks us apart. "TIME'S UP!" 

After that, we couldn't get enough of each other. After football he would pick me up from wherever I was and we'd go over to his house. Make out on his bed for a while, listen to music. I even taught him to roll a joint. We had so much fun in those moments. Then, one night we were on his bed, his parents out of town for the weekend. The music blaring in the background, both of us high as shit and munching on chips from his kitchen. "Hey, did you ever think this would happen?" He turns to me. "Not in a million years." I stuff a potato chip in my mouth as he watches me. I catch him staring, he smiles. "What?" I laugh. "You're just so gorgeous. You have beautiful teeth and smile, your body is fuckin' smoking, and I get to hang with you like this? How could it get any better?" He leans back on the headboard. "I have an idea." He smirks at me. "What did you have in mind?" I bite my lip, putting the chips on the floor, in the process, I pull my t-shirt over my head, straddling him in my bra. "I know that you and Lena probably have done this but we haven't yet so I figured, why not?" He smiles, his hands on my hips and his eyes set on my breasts. "Lena and I haven't, um, done it?" He looks up at me. "WHAT? But she-" 

"Yeah I know what she says, we haven't, she hasn't. She says we do and I just go along with it. It gets me all the perks with the senior guys so I just let it slide. To be honest, I haven't at all." My jaw drops to the floor. After a minute, I feel as though I have to Hoyer it back up to my mouth with a forklift. He looks uncomfortable, playing with the waistband of my pants. "So, you haven't ever?" He shakes his head, "nope." My fingers dance along his collarbone to his chin, moving his head up to face me. "It's fine. I haven't either, so we'll make it nice." He grins. "You should be the one I make it nice for." And like that, I see the light bulb go off above his head. He pushes me off onto my back on the bed. "Go outside the door and close it. Don't come in until I say so." I close the door and wait in the hallway in my bra and leggings. I hear him fumbling around in his room, he curses every couple of minutes or so which makes me chuckle. It's been a year since our first kiss in the closet and I graduate next spring so I can get out of school early, our time is ticking. 

"Come in!" He yells, I slide open the door, the lights off and the only thing I see is Aaron standing in the middle of the room, shirtless, surrounded by candles. "Ta-da!" His arms outstretched as he admires his work. "You're such a dork." I walk over, he pulls me close. "I love you." He says, catching me off guard. I see the panic in his eyes. "I love you too Aaron." I pull him in close, kissing him passionately. He pushes me onto the bed, pulling my pants down as he does. 

The first time is always awkward. He's gotten better since then, much better. I open the door and slam it shut, making my way down the stairs. He was my safe place for years. It was more than sex, I ran to him when he was on a bender and hit me, when my birth giver would cause a fight and I couldn't sleep. I'd climb up his balcony so his parents wouldn't know and climb through the window. We'd lay there all night, a safe place to sleep. And before his parents woke up for work, I'd sneak back down the balcony. 

I grab the money from my duffle and put it in my bag, locking the door behind me. Where to next?


	5. The New Me

"What can I get you?" The bartender comes up to me, sitting in the middle on a wooden barstool. "Strongest thing you got." I run my hands through my hair, still wet from the rain outside. My t-shirt loose but still tucked in. The bartender puts a half filled glass in front of me with a nod. I take it back in one shot, letting the brown colored liquid burn on the way down. I hold the glass up, signaling for another. He fills it to the top this time, giving a nod again as he heads to the other side of the bar. I sip this one slower, letting the burn take its time, feeling the warmth in my stomach. Spinning it my hand, I feel a soft touch on my shoulder. 

"Hi there." A woman slides into the seat next to me. I turn my body to her. "Now what do I owe the pleasure?" I let my guard down, smiling as her bright eyes look me up and down, my focus goes right to her Lucious tits half out of her shirt. "Just the pleasure of your company, sir." Her hand lingers down my pant leg. I take back the rest of my drink and put the money on the bar. I stand, wrapping my arm around her waist and leading her out of the bar. 

I catch my breath, falling beside her in her bed. Lighting up a cigarette while she slides out of bed, pulling up her panties but leaving her tits exposed in the dim lighting. "So, that was intense." She smiles as she walks off into the bathroom. "Had to get some frustration out of my system." I take a long drag, letting it billow out into the air. She walks back in, a silky robe covering her long, tan legs, loosely wrapped so her tits still show a little. Her tight body slides back into bed, taking the cigarette from my hand, counting money in her hands with her long, painted fingernails. "$1,000, just like last time." She hands it to me, I stuff it in the pocket of my jeans, taking the cigarette back from her. "That piece of shit took all of my money and ran off. Every last cent, gone. I hope she dies out there, alone somewhere. No good, piece of trash." I take a swig of the bottle of vodka next to the bed. 

Good. Riddance. 

Walking down the busy streets of Seattle, it feels so much different than the small town back in California. It's freeing, loud, hopeful. The lights all around and the people nod as they pass you in the street. I walk down different avenues, no destination in mind, no place to be, no one to worry about hitting me if I snuck in too late at night. I pass by coffeeshops and late-night diners, businesses closed until tomorrow and clothes stores. I walk into the night, without the darkness from the lights of the city. "Come see City Lights, LIVE at Neumos! Doors at 5, show starts at 6! Get your tickets now!" A girl screams down the street, handing out flyers to on-lookers. She hands me one as I walk by, continuing her screams into the street, I look over the light yellow flyer, some scattered on the ground covered in mud and shoe prints. 

"City Lights-Seattle's up-and-coming band. Tickets and merch on sale now. Follow as @ citylightswa on instagram, twitter, and Facebook! Debut album: Falling is out NOW! Friday 5/13 Doors at 5!"

I read through the bottom lines, explaining who they are, where they come from. The back has some tour dates listed, opening for a much larger, well-known band across the county. I slip it into my bag. I've always been one for local music scenes and Seattle is a great place for local music and artists. It's only a few weeks away so I have time to reminisce whether to go or not. 

After hours of walking around downtown, I find myself completely lost. Luckily, there is one place I've been meaning to get to. After some asking passer-by's on the street I locate a small electronics store, still open later at night but just about to start close up. The door dings as I enter, the small store equipped with glass cases of used electronics and accessories. "How can I help you miss?" The older store owner asks, slightly annoyed I'm coming in just before closing time. "I'm sorry to come in late but I'm new to town and am not sure my way around." He nods, his face softening at my over-used excuse. "I'm looking for a cell phone. Preferably one not too outdated with a simple plan of data I can afford." He smiles, leading me to the case of older flip phones and Blackberrys. I scan over the phones, trying to find something not from the years before I was even born. He watches me, but realizes I'm not seeing what I need. He holds up a finger, gesturing me to hold on a moment while he checks the back. After a few moments he returns. A small, rectangular box in his hand. "Now, it's not the latest version, not even the version before the one that is currently being sold but, I think it will do." He opens the case to an old iPhone. Still block-like with a home button but the screen and backing in mint condition. "I had a young kid come in a get some cash for it a few days ago. I hadn't put it out in the case yet since I just finished making sure the memory was reset and the glass was fixed. 

He hands it to me, I look it over. It opens with ease and still able to use a more current update. "I'll take it. How much is a data plan I can afford but still has calling, texting, and internet access?" I shuffle through my bag to find my wallet. "$25 a month for unlimited calling and texting. You have a limited amount of data each month that won't cost anything but if you go over there is a small fee. You can avoid going over if you are in wifi when using your data. But the amount of data you get is pretty decent for the price." He takes out some paperwork for me to sign and hands me a pen. "Phone is in total $200, but I can just add a small amount each month to your bill to cover it if you'd like." He smiles as I write down all my information until I stop at permanent address. "I, uh.. I don't have a current, permanent address. I'm staying at the motel just off route 55 until I can find a job and an apartment." He nods. "That will be fine, Ms." I hand him the paperwork and a starting fee for the phone and plan. He updates the phone so it's hooked up to the plan and hands it over. "You are all set. You can come in and pay every month when you are able. But if you miss more than two in a row the plan will turn off and you will not be able to use the phone." I nod, thanking him as I walk out the door. First thing to do is erase my entire old life for this new one. The new me. 

~~

I lay in the bed of the motel room. The sheets still smell like fresh linen laundry detergent and old wood. The carpet is stained just on the inside of the door in front of the radiator where it's brown colored fibers stay a blueish tint. Whatever could someone have spilled blue on this rug to make it impossible to remove? I roll over in bed, pulling the covers up more and opening my phone. I deleted all possible traces of the old me, Instagram, Facebook, Twitter...all of it. They can't know where I went.

Firstly, what will my username be? How can I be conspicuous and anonymous? I lean back on the headboard, candles burning around the room. I've made this place something like home. It makes me sad to think one day, I'll leave it. I won't see Henry everyday leaving my room while he waves from his office, the small black cat that roams around the lot. I look at the stack of books in the corner. Some I picked up at bookshops, some Henry leaves outside the door for me to read. Our Sunday breakfasts have become tradition over the last few weeks, I look forward to them. I grab the book off my nightstand, a classic for me. Something I've read cover to cover multiple times I could almost recite it word for word. "I go to seek a Great Perhaps." I start typing to find a username that hasn't been used. @ agreatperhaps has yet to be taken on all social platforms. I sign up for all of them, adding a picture that Henry caught of me on a polaroid in the diner one Sunday morning. I don't follow any of my old friends, blocking anyone that could trace me. Slipping my phone onto the nightstand, I curl up in bed with my book. Letting the crazy world of Alaska and Pudge take over. 

In the middle of the night, I'm shaken awake by small cries outside my door. I look through the peephole but there's no one outside. I wait quietly, and I still hear the cries, almost in pain. I open the door and crack it slightly. I see the black cat laying on the ground a few doors down. The air is cold and misty, he looks disheveled, starved, and a small bite taken out of his ear is bleeding on the ground. I run inside, grabbing a throw blanket from the bottom of the bed. I scoop him up, a howl pierces my ears as I lay him on the bed. I hold some pressure on his ear, against his movements to stop some of the bleeding. It looks like he got in a fight with some other animal and lost. 

After a few hours, he drifts off and the cries stopped. I watch him, making sure he is still breathing. In the morning, I wrap him up in the blanket and knock on the office door. Henry shuffles to the door, seeing my hands full. "What is all this?" He says, making his way to the desk and moving somethings around to lay him down. "I heard him crying outside last night so I wrapped him up in this blanket. I didn't know what to do but I couldn't leave him." He sees the desperation in my eyes, petting the cats uneven, patchy fur. "I figure with a quick trip to the vet and some food and warmth, he'll be just fine." He smiles at me, turning to grab his coat and hat. "Let's go my dear. The day's a wasting!" I follow him out, getting into his car with the cat on my lap. He curls up against me in the blanket. 

After the vet, they couldn't save his ear from having a large chunk taken out but said he'll be just fine. He is severely malnourished and looks like he's been living outside for a long time. With some food and a bath, the vet said he should recover just fine. Henry takes me to a small grocery so I can buy some supplies for him. I hadn't planned on keeping him living in a motel but luckily, Henry has a big heart for animals, and for me. I set up a small tower for him in the corner next to the bed, a bed at the foot of my bed he could lay in and plenty of toys. Henry sits on the bed while I set up a bath. 

"What are you going to name him?" He asks, playing with a small mouse on a string while he tries to swat at it. "Not sure, I think I'll have to see what he acts like around me." I feel the water, warm enough to clean him. "Alright, I best get back to the front desk before anyone wonders where I am." He tips his hat and walks out the door. I grab the cat, putting him into the tub, he slides around in the water, licking it periodically. He looks at me, his face almost smiling as I wash him off with loads of soap. He sits calmly and patiently letting me comb out his fur, barely even moving. After we get out, I towel dry him, brushing his fur again on the bed. He curls up against me, purring softly but I can feel his body vibrate. Without even knowing me, he trusted me. He let me take care of him, bathe him, snuggle him. I watch as his eyes fall droopy curling up next to my legs on the bed. I slowly and carefully stroke his head between his eyes and head. I hear his soft purrs as he sleeps. He was friendly from the instant I met him weeks ago, rubbing up against my leg, letting me pet him. 

"I think I'll call you...Casper."


	6. Best of Friends

It's funny. The moment you leave home, you want to go back. But when you are home, you long for the places you will go. You cannot live away from it, but you cannot live within it. And it seems you are always yearning for some place that doesn't exist. I feel that, I still do. I'm never completely at home anywhere. 

I lay on the bed one morning, the sun peeking through the curtains. Casper curls up next to me, his soft purrs sing to me as I read. From my favorite books to the greatest literature. "The greatest happiness of life is the conviction that we are loved; love for ourselves, or rather, loved in spite of ourselves." 

I let the world of Emily Bronte and Vonnegut drift me into solace, into peace. Their words bring me comfort in every moment. I let their voices take me, drift me to some other place, far away from here. Casper's whiskers tickle at my leg, shocking me back to the reality. I'm running short on funds and it isn't going to last much longer. 

~

I take my usual walk through the city, trying to find any job that is suitable and one that makes me not want to kill myself. Dive bars and diners aren't really something I'd be interested in. As I keep walking, looking through the adds in the paper for jobs in the area, I find myself in front of the Neumos. A "help wanted" sign hands in the window, "inquire within" in smaller writing below it. I pull the doors open to the large, indoor concert venue. The stage lit up at the very back, a bar towards the far side, a balcony above overlooking the stage and a private area with tables and chairs. "Oi, what can I do for you?" A man walks over, sizing me up as he does, broom in hand. "Hi, I um...saw your sign in the window." Gesturing to the help wanted sign in the window out front. "Sure. And?" 

"Well, I was hoping for a job. Anything you got." He nods, running his hands through his hair. "Got any experience in the music industry?" His face is harsh but I can see the softness in his eyes. "Not particularly. But I'm a fast learner and hard worker. I never get sick or run late. I can learn whatever it is you need me to." He smiles. "Well alright then. Consider yourself part of the Neumos family. Can you start today?" I nod, he turns on his heels. "Follow me. We got a big show coming up in two weeks. We could use all the hands we can get." I follow him to the backstage area. Rooms set apart and a large area of couches and tables. A group of people sit around the couches, chatting and drinking some beers. "Everyone, I want you to meet our newest recruit." He turns to me, giving me a nudge with his face. "Oh hi, yes....I'm Callie. Callie Hendricks." They go around the room and introduce themselves and what they do. There are stage managers and front managers, bartenders and merch workers, lighting and sound techs. Everyone seems chill and relaxed, just what I needed. "Alright, Liv and Luke should be here any minute. They'll teach you the ropes." Just ask he finishes, a loud crash emanates from the door in the back of the room. A young guy and girl trample over each other to get through the frame. "Speak of the devil." He turns, they stand just inside the door, both out of breath and slightly sweating. 

"Sorry Dave, Luke forgot his wallet so we had to run home. Then he decided it was a good idea to race here." She bends over, holding her side and trying to catch her breath. "Well, you're just in time to meet Callie. I just hired her." He smiles. "Well hey...Dave, you never hire people on the spot! It took me seven tries and a little bit of groveling to get you to hire me." He chuckles. "You're the best groveler. How could I say no?" She makes her way over to me, lending out a hand. "Hey, I'm Olivia but everyone calls me Liv. This is my twin brother Lucas but we call him Luke." 

"I'm Calista, but everyone calls me Callie." I shake her hand. "Wow, what a cool ass name. Way better than mine." Luke laughs shaking my hand and running his hands through his hair. He looks me up and down, my black ripped jeans, fake Doc Martens and oversized flannel. "Damn girl, look at you! You'll fit right in with this rowdy, rat pack." Luke walks over, high five-ing and greeting the group. "Alright, let's get to work." She leads me to the break room, handing me a t-shirt with a logo and venue name on it, "Crew Member" in big, white letters across the back. "Alright, here is a headset, it mainly just goes in one of your ears so we can all chat when it's showtime, make sure everyone is in place and things are running smooth." She takes me on a tour of the venue, showing me all the spots we stay in. "So what is your main job? Like what do you usually do during shows?" She picks up some equipment and puts it on top of some others. "I do a lot actually. Sometimes bartending if someone calls in, backstage stuff, show runner when people need something. Making sure the band is all set up and everything is in place. Sometimes merch, sometimes I work the doors and check ID's and tickets. I do it all really." I nod, taking it all in. I've always wanted to work in a place like this. 

"So you'll be like my apprentice. Someone who is my right hand man. Luke and I have always done that. We've worked here since we were fourteen. Our parents loved this place so when we were able to, Uncle Dave gave us jobs." 

"Oh, Dave is your Uncle?" She laughs. "Kind of? Not by blood but he and my dad were best friends since they were kids. So he's basically like our uncle. He's a great guy. My dad always had him around like part of the family." I notice the way she talks about her parents, using past tenses. I decided not to ask, seemed to personal to bring up right now seeing as we just met. "So my job entails a lot and I've been doing it alone for a while. Luke helps much of the time but he also gets lost in the crowd during shows and enjoys hanging out with everyone so I end up doing most of the things on my own once the show starts. How about for the upcoming show, you manage some backstage stuff with me and then we can work on other stuff as we go?" I nod, she hands me a wristlet of keys and a lanyard. "The show on Friday is a big one so you might need to come in everyday with me to learn the ropes before then. Get acquainted with everyone and learn where everything is." She smiles, I smile back. "Sounds great! I'm pumped. Who's playing Friday?" She stands up straight, like I've almost offended her. 

"You heard of City Lights?" I shake my head, she chuckles. "They're a pretty popular band around here. Started in Seattle and now they tour around the world. They've had maybe two headliners so far but they're pretty big. They've toured with All Time Low, Mayday Parade, even did Warped Tour and some overseas festivals. They're awesome!" She turns back to the lighting board we're looking at, fiddling with some knobs to check the lights. "You a fan?" She gives me a side glance. "They're great and all, I had a fling with one of the guys and it didn't end well. Kinda ruined them for me." She turns back to the lights, ordering some guy to change some dim bulbs. "What a douche nozzle would give you up?" She laughs so much she snorts, making her and I almost tumble to the ground. We fall into each other, forcing ourselves to keep standing. Once we both contain ourselves she looks at me and grins. "You know.." slinging her arm around my shoulders, "I think we're going to be great friends." She keeps her arm there, mine slung around her waist as we walk to the back office. "Lighting is all set, alcohol is stocked on the shelves, merch table is set up so when they get here we can hang everything. We can work on backstage stuff but I think Callie has learned enough for one day." Dave nods and smiles from behind his desk. "See you tomorrow!" He turns back to his paperwork which covers his desk. I follow Liv to the lounge area where everyone was sitting before. Luke stands in the doorway, leaning against it. 

"Grab your shit. You...are coming with us." She walks over, standing beside Luke in the door. I grab my bad and sling it over my shoulder. I follow them out the back doors and down the alley. Liv takes out a joint, lighting it up and passing it to Luke. "So," blowing out a puff. "Where are you from?" We walk slow, down the alley covered in puddles from the days rain. "Originally, Southern California." 

"No shit, have you met anyone? Like anyone famous?" Luke swoons, passing the joint to me. "Nah, I wasn't near any of the cool spots. More suburban area, I mainly just hung out at friends." I take a long inhale and pass it to Liv. "So, how'd you end up here?" I knew it was bound to come up eventually. There's no point in hiding it. "I left home. My parents...weren't the greatest. So, I packed up my shit, bought a bus ticket and got off here. I'm staying at a motel just outside of the city. It's run by this great, older guy Henry." We finish off the joint and head to a restaurant down the street from the venue. "So, how'd you guys end up here?" We order some fries and settle into the booth. 

"Well, our parents died a few years back, car accident. So we moved in with our Uncle Dave. We've been trying to find a place for us but everything is so expensive here. Luke and I have always been inseparable so it makes sense to get a place together." As the fries come, Liv stuffs a handful into Lukes mouth, making us all crack up laughing in the booth. It feels nice to have people to be around..friends.


	7. Best of Friends

It's funny. The moment you leave home, you want to go back. But when you are home, you long for the places you will go. You cannot live away from it, but you cannot live within it. And it seems you are always yearning for some place that doesn't exist. I feel that, I still do. I'm never completely at home anywhere. 

I lay on the bed one morning, the sun peeking through the curtains. Casper curls up next to me, his soft purrs sing to me as I read. From my favorite books to the greatest literature. "The greatest happiness of life is the conviction that we are loved; love for ourselves, or rather, loved in spite of ourselves." 

I let the world of Emily Bronte and Vonnegut drift me into solace, into peace. Their words bring me comfort in every moment. I let their voices take me, drift me to some other place, far away from here. Casper's whiskers tickle at my leg, shocking me back to the reality. I'm running short on funds and it isn't going to last much longer. 

~

I take my usual walk through the city, trying to find any job that is suitable and one that makes me not want to kill myself. Dive bars and diners aren't really something I'd be interested in. As I keep walking, looking through the adds in the paper for jobs in the area, I find myself in front of the Neumos. A "help wanted" sign hands in the window, "inquire within" in smaller writing below it. I pull the doors open to the large, indoor concert venue. The stage lit up at the very back, a bar towards the far side, a balcony above overlooking the stage and a private area with tables and chairs. "Oi, what can I do for you?" A man walks over, sizing me up as he does, broom in hand. "Hi, I um...saw your sign in the window." Gesturing to the help wanted sign in the window out front. "Sure. And?" 

"Well, I was hoping for a job. Anything you got." He nods, running his hands through his hair. "Got any experience in the music industry?" His face is harsh but I can see the softness in his eyes. "Not particularly. But I'm a fast learner and hard worker. I never get sick or run late. I can learn whatever it is you need me to." He smiles. "Well alright then. Consider yourself part of the Neumos family. Can you start today?" I nod, he turns on his heels. "Follow me. We got a big show coming up in two weeks. We could use all the hands we can get." I follow him to the backstage area. Rooms set apart and a large area of couches and tables. A group of people sit around the couches, chatting and drinking some beers. "Everyone, I want you to meet our newest recruit." He turns to me, giving me a nudge with his face. "Oh hi, yes....I'm Callie. Callie Hendricks." They go around the room and introduce themselves and what they do. There are stage managers and front managers, bartenders and merch workers, lighting and sound techs. Everyone seems chill and relaxed, just what I needed. "Alright, Liv and Luke should be here any minute. They'll teach you the ropes." Just ask he finishes, a loud crash emanates from the door in the back of the room. A young guy and girl trample over each other to get through the frame. "Speak of the devil." He turns, they stand just inside the door, both out of breath and slightly sweating. 

"Sorry Dave, Luke forgot his wallet so we had to run home. Then he decided it was a good idea to race here." She bends over, holding her side and trying to catch her breath. "Well, you're just in time to meet Callie. I just hired her." He smiles. "Well hey...Dave, you never hire people on the spot! It took me seven tries and a little bit of groveling to get you to hire me." He chuckles. "You're the best groveler. How could I say no?" She makes her way over to me, lending out a hand. "Hey, I'm Olivia but everyone calls me Liv. This is my twin brother Lucas but we call him Luke." 

"I'm Calista, but everyone calls me Callie." I shake her hand. "Wow, what a cool ass name. Way better than mine." Luke laughs shaking my hand and running his hands through his hair. He looks me up and down, my black ripped jeans, fake Doc Martens and oversized flannel. "Damn girl, look at you! You'll fit right in with this rowdy, rat pack." Luke walks over, high five-ing and greeting the group. "Alright, let's get to work." She leads me to the break room, handing me a t-shirt with a logo and venue name on it, "Crew Member" in big, white letters across the back. "Alright, here is a headset, it mainly just goes in one of your ears so we can all chat when it's showtime, make sure everyone is in place and things are running smooth." She takes me on a tour of the venue, showing me all the spots we stay in. "So what is your main job? Like what do you usually do during shows?" She picks up some equipment and puts it on top of some others. "I do a lot actually. Sometimes bartending if someone calls in, backstage stuff, show runner when people need something. Making sure the band is all set up and everything is in place. Sometimes merch, sometimes I work the doors and check ID's and tickets. I do it all really." I nod, taking it all in. I've always wanted to work in a place like this. 

"So you'll be like my apprentice. Someone who is my right hand man. Luke and I have always done that. We've worked here since we were fourteen. Our parents loved this place so when we were able to, Uncle Dave gave us jobs." 

"Oh, Dave is your Uncle?" She laughs. "Kind of? Not by blood but he and my dad were best friends since they were kids. So he's basically like our uncle. He's a great guy. My dad always had him around like part of the family." I notice the way she talks about her parents, using past tenses. I decided not to ask, seemed to personal to bring up right now seeing as we just met. "So my job entails a lot and I've been doing it alone for a while. Luke helps much of the time but he also gets lost in the crowd during shows and enjoys hanging out with everyone so I end up doing most of the things on my own once the show starts. How about for the upcoming show, you manage some backstage stuff with me and then we can work on other stuff as we go?" I nod, she hands me a wristlet of keys and a lanyard. "The show on Friday is a big one so you might need to come in everyday with me to learn the ropes before then. Get acquainted with everyone and learn where everything is." She smiles, I smile back. "Sounds great! I'm pumped. Who's playing Friday?" She stands up straight, like I've almost offended her. 

"You heard of City Lights?" I shake my head, she chuckles. "They're a pretty popular band around here. Started in Seattle and now they tour around the world. They've had maybe two headliners so far but they're pretty big. They've toured with All Time Low, Mayday Parade, even did Warped Tour and some overseas festivals. They're awesome!" She turns back to the lighting board we're looking at, fiddling with some knobs to check the lights. "You a fan?" She gives me a side glance. "They're great and all, I had a fling with one of the guys and it didn't end well. Kinda ruined them for me." She turns back to the lights, ordering some guy to change some dim bulbs. "What a douche nozzle would give you up?" She laughs so much she snorts, making her and I almost tumble to the ground. We fall into each other, forcing ourselves to keep standing. Once we both contain ourselves she looks at me and grins. "You know.." slinging her arm around my shoulders, "I think we're going to be great friends." She keeps her arm there, mine slung around her waist as we walk to the back office. "Lighting is all set, alcohol is stocked on the shelves, merch table is set up so when they get here we can hang everything. We can work on backstage stuff but I think Callie has learned enough for one day." Dave nods and smiles from behind his desk. "See you tomorrow!" He turns back to his paperwork which covers his desk. I follow Liv to the lounge area where everyone was sitting before. Luke stands in the doorway, leaning against it. 

"Grab your shit. You...are coming with us." She walks over, standing beside Luke in the door. I grab my bad and sling it over my shoulder. I follow them out the back doors and down the alley. Liv takes out a joint, lighting it up and passing it to Luke. "So," blowing out a puff. "Where are you from?" We walk slow, down the alley covered in puddles from the days rain. "Originally, Southern California." 

"No shit, have you met anyone? Like anyone famous?" Luke swoons, passing the joint to me. "Nah, I wasn't near any of the cool spots. More suburban area, I mainly just hung out at friends." I take a long inhale and pass it to Liv. "So, how'd you end up here?" I knew it was bound to come up eventually. There's no point in hiding it. "I left home. My parents...weren't the greatest. So, I packed up my shit, bought a bus ticket and got off here. I'm staying at a motel just outside of the city. It's run by this great, older guy Henry." We finish off the joint and head to a restaurant down the street from the venue. "So, how'd you guys end up here?" We order some fries and settle into the booth. 

"Well, our parents died a few years back, car accident. So we moved in with our Uncle Dave. We've been trying to find a place for us but everything is so expensive here. Luke and I have always been inseparable so it makes sense to get a place together." As the fries come, Liv stuffs a handful into Lukes mouth, making us all crack up laughing in the booth. It feels nice to have people to be around..friends.


	8. Danger Around Every Corner

Throughout the week, I've been following Liz and Luke around, learning the ropes of the venue and business. I caved and downloaded City Lights' newest album, and it's pretty catchy. I find myself singing along to the words, listening to them while I get ready and when I walk home from work. I can't get over the words, how real they seem, how much they apply to me. 

"I wanna go, I wanna go. Run from this panic / I need the unknown. / I've had enough, I've had enough. / Run from Atlantic, away from this home." 

I did that, I left, I ran but in a good way. It was freeing, it was something I needed to do for myself. Discover the world, this life. I feel like he's speaking to me with this, each word just burned into my soul. Music has always been my outlet, something for me to hold onto in the worst times. When he screamed all night long, through thrashing hands and broken glass, music was the thing that was there. 

At work on Friday, it's the big night. It's a sold out show and now that I actually know who the band is, I'm just a little overexcited. I grab my headphones and plug them in while I organize some wires and wrap them up. I feel a tap on my shoulder and pull my headphones out as I turn. I see Luke standing behind me. "What's up? You look way too suspish..." He chuckles, grabbing my arm and pulling me into the back. "Okay, so the guy who Liz was with for a bit, the one she won't talk about, he's in the band remember?" I nod, trying to follow. "So, they haven't really seen each other sense, but Liz has this face...I call it 'fire eyes'" he uses air quotes when he says it, making me laugh. "So, you'll know this face when you see it. And I have a feeling, it's going to happen the second she sees him. She wanted me to stay in the back and help out with the band but Uncle Dave wants me to work front of house." I nod, finally understanding the point. "I'll work backstage, not a big deal." He smiles, hugging me and lifting me up. "You're the best Cal." He struts off to the front, I finish on the wires and head to the back. There's one shorter guy, fiddling with some camera equipment. "Wow, you have so much stuff. This is insane." I walk up next to him, admiring his very expensive camera. "Thanks! I do some shots of the band and work on production stuff so I have to make sure everything is working." He looks over, giving me a grin and putting his camera down. "I'm Jordan, nice to meet you." He holds out his hand to shake mine. "Callie." 

"Cool, so you work here?" He checks some more stuff while we talk. "Yeah, I was looking for a job and this seemed super cool. So I walked in and Dave hired me on the spot." He sits his camera down and walks over to get a drink from the food table. He hands me a Pepsi but I hold up my iced coffee, that now seems to be almost water. "We've played here a bunch, started out as one of our biggest shows here, Dave's a great guy. He really supports us and music so it's always fun to be here. Feels so much like home." We chat some more about where the band came from, they all grew up around Seattle and met in high school. They formed a band and Jordan was their tech guy, doing photoshoots and videos for their label. Fearless Records signed them while they were all in college so they all had to quit school and go on the road. In the midst of our conversation, his phone rings. 

"What's up?..yeah...okay, be right there." He hangs up and slides his phone into his pocket. "The guys are here so I gotta help set up." He heads to the door, nodding back at me on his way out. I grab some popcorn and put it in a plastic cup. Might as well eat now, who knows when I'll be able to. As I head back out, I run into someone, dropping the popcorn all over the floor. 

~

"Oh shit." I drop down, picking up each stray piece of popcorn on the floor. "Shit, I'm so sorry I didn't even see you." The voice says, squatting down in front of me, helping me put the popcorn back into the cup. "Not a big deal. If the worst thing to happen today is tainted popcorn, then I guess I'm lucky." He reaches for the same piece of popcorn and I finally look up at him. He holds out his hand to help me up. "Thanks." I toss the plastic cup into the trash can nearby, avoiding his gaze. We stand there for a minute, not talking when a clash of bangs enter the hallway. "Oh fuck, sorry, outta the way!!" Big guys carry in parts of a drum set and amps, I slide to the side and move down the hallway, saying "sorry" again as I rush past him. I run right into Liz, who was supposed to be occupied in front of house and the bar. I grab her arm, pulling her away from where the band is filing in. "Wait, whaaa-" She spins on her heels as our arms interlock. 

"Let's go get a drink." We stand behind the bar as I pretend to fix some of the bottles and Liz makes us both a drink. "Cheers!" We clink our glasses and down them both in one gulp. "So, what are we cheers-ing exactly?" I lean against the bar as she pours another for us. "Well, not sure what you are but I am trying to get slightly tipsy before I have to look at him. I'm sure Luke told you about the whole 'fire eyes' scenario?" We chuckle. "Yeah, it's a thing he came up with. More of a name for it. He explains it that whenever I hate someone, I shoot fire out of my eyes and I have this face of pure terror. Luke's only been on the other end a few times when. he's pissed me off but he's seen it more towards other people." She hands me the second glass, I sip this one more slowly than the first. I move my finger over the rim of the glass. "What's going on?" She leans up against the bar table staring across at me. "I was talking to their tech guy, Jordan? He was great. And when he ran out to help the guys in, one of them ran into me and I dropped some popcorn I was eating. He helped me pick it up but I don't know. When I looked at him, I felt this like....it's hard to explain." I look back down at the rim of my cup, swirling the liquid around. "What do you mean? What feeling?" She sips her drink calmly. "Like I felt this burning in my chest, and my hands went a little numb, and I couldn't breathe. It was like he punched me in the stomach. I can't get his eyes out of my head, they were so intoxicating." She starts making fake vomit noises and leaning over towards the floor. I shove her shoulder and she laughs.

"Sounds like someone has a crush! Just don't tell me it was Andy. Big, burly looking man, perfectly placed hair, slightly messy.." I laugh. "Nah, wasn't him. Shorter dark hair, sorta slicked back, tall but kinda skinny." She almost drops her glass to the floor. "Holy shit.." She looks past me, heading our way is the guy who ran into me. His jeans tight enough to see the outline of his legs, t-shirt that looks too big for him but fits perfectly, his shoulders and arms look strong even though he's really skinny. He's walking over with who I am assuming is Andy, big and burly looking dude, floppy, perfectly placed hair. Liz ducks under the bar, leaving me to tend to it myself. They reach the bar and the tall, skinny boy stops. "Hey, it's you. Sorry I ran into you, I wasn't paying attention." He leans on the bar top looking at me. The bar is a little tall and only reaches me at my breasts so all he can really see is my face and shoulders. "Yeah not a big deal. It happens. Not really a big person to see. I tend to hide against the naked eye." He chuckles. "Well, see ya around." He slouches off the bar and heads to the merch table. I fumble with some glasses under the bar, feeling his eyes on me. I look down at Liz hiding and holding onto my lower legs. "Are they gone?" She whispers. "Yes you idiot. Get up here." She stands, fixing her hair and her shirt at her waist. "Okay, let's head into the back now that Andy isn't back there. I'm starving. She grans my arm and pulls me quick around to head backstage. In the corner of my eye as she spun me, I see him staring at me, looking away when I catch him. 

~

Since Liz is basically banned from backstage, I handle all the stuff back here, making sure the guys are ready to go when it's time, everyone in place and wires plugged in. I stand off stage a bit, seeing the room quickly fill up with concert-goers excited to see the guys play. A group of girls stands right near the front of the stage, an excited look on their faces. I remember going to concerts with my friends back home. It makes me miss them but I don't miss the rest of that place. I snap out of it when Andy stands next to me, his guitar strapped around his shoulder. "Hey! I'm Andy, nice to meet you." I nod, "Callie." 

"Great to meet you. Have you worked here long?" He's making small talk because we're forced to stand in a confined space for who knows how long. "About a week and a half." I fix my ear piece, slightly uncomfortable. Liz hasn't told me the reason behind why she hates him so much but I can tell from Luke that it's something serious. "Wow that's cool. I worked in a music venue years ago before the band but it was a hole in the wall place, not many fun bands played but it was cool to see all the behind the scenes stuff." I nod again, not really giving him a rebuttal. "So, I know you're friends with Liz. How is she?" I turn to him, my body slightly facing him. "She's great. I haven't known her long but I know you two have history. She hasn't really told me what happened so I'm kind of impartial to her feelings of you." He sighs, fiddling with his guitar strings. "Yeah, what went down wasn't my brightest moment. I wish she would let me talk to her but I know Luke would kill me. So I just decided to avoid her, for now." He jumps up, running out on stage before I can ask what that meant. Liz comes up to me side-stage, her eyes not really sparking any flames at the moment but I know that moment is inevitable. "Saw you talking to Andy. What'd he say?" She doesn't look over at me, keeping her eye straight on him. "He asked about you. Said he's been wanting to talk to you but was afraid of Luke freaking out." She nods. "He texted me, asked to meet him backstage in the lounge after the show and when everyone's heading out. Figured I've give him time to explain himself." She stands tall, her body ridged. 

"What happened between you two?" She sighs, keeping focus. 

~

Liz: 

"I can't believe they're playing here!! I've loved their music for years! I just wasn't really ever able to see them, with everything." Luke pats my shoulder as we sit in the lounge. "I know dude, but listen, we get first dibs on anything and anyone that walks through that door. We have to act NATURAL!" He shakes my shoulders hard and fast, almost giving me whiplash. "Chill dude, you know none of them is gay right?" He laughs. "Doesn't mean they take one look at this, and change their minds." He stands up mid-sentence, dancing provacatively as the door opens behind me. "Nice moves." A big, tall guy stands in the doorway, he pushes back his long hair behind his ears. Luke falls onto the couch and laughs. "You ain't seen nothin' yet!" He jokes. The large man struts in, grabbing a drink and sitting on the couch next to me. "Hey, I'm Andy." "Liz" He smiles, his teeth perfectly aligned and bright white. We sit on the couch for a while just talking when he has to go get ready for sound check. 

After the show, I find myself clearing up the food table in the back lounge. Some music playing through the record player in the corner. I feel a hand grab mine and I'm whisked away, being pulled into a dark closet but Andy. His lips smash into mine in seconds, I feel his tongue entangle mine, pulling my waist closer to his. He pulls away and looks at me with the light shining from under the door. "I'm sorry, I've been thinking about that all night." I pull him back in, wrapping myself around him as he picks me up. 

We spend the next few weeks together. Coffeeshops and music stores, listening to music on old record players and late night diner meals. "So, uh, I'm leaving soon.." We walk down in the park area by the water. "Leaving where exactly?" He plays with my fingers that are intertwined with his. "We're going on tour. All summer and then another tour overseas in the UK this fall. I won't be back in Seattle until maybe Thanksgiving." He looks at me weary. "It's fine!! This is your job! I totally get it!" His face falls soft and he smiles, stopping and pulling me closer. "Thanks for understanding. I was nervous to tell you. I thought you would be upset about me up and leaving for months." I hold his face close to mine. "I would never be upset over your job. It takes priority. It's fine!!!" He kisses me softly, his forehead on mine. "Damn, I'm lucky as hell to have found you." 

Callie: 

"And that was one of the last times we talked. Our texts got shorter and less frequent until nothing. He basically just ghosted me. I checked him instagram a few times and he posted pictures of mainly the band and shows. But I never heard from him." I put a hand on her shoulder. "Liz, I'm so sorry. But maybe there's an explanation? Maybe he wants to talk about why?" I see her face fall, looking down at her shoes. "I guess I could find out? Would you help me? Luke would kill both of us if he found out. He hates him just as much as I do. I was completely furious and hurt when everything happened and Luke was there to help pick up the pieces. He knows how hard it was to get over him. God, I had a crush on him for years and I finally got to be something with him and it was just over." I hug her from the side as she sniffles. "Well, I will gladly help you pull off this heist. I'm somewhat of a female Danny Ocean myself." She laughs, shoving me off her. "Yeah, yeah, yeah." We turn back to the show and watch from the sidelines. 

After the show is over, everyone packs up their stuff and brings it out to their wagon. I grab Andy and pull him into a back hallway. "Liz is in that room over there, I'll distract Luke while you two talk, but make it quick." He nods and runs off. I turn to find Luke and I'm knocked to the floor. "Oh my god, shit are you-" I open my eyes, the same guy who knocked over my popcorn lays on top of me. "We really gotta stop meeting like this." I joke, he stands up, offering me a hand and pulling me up to him. I stand up, close enough that our chests almost touch. His hand lingers on the hand he pulled me up with. He lets go and I step back. "Yeah, we really do. Are you okay?" He asks, I check myself over, fixing my shirt. "I think so. No blood on the floor so that's a good sign." He chuckles. "Well, I guess I should introduce myself, "I'm Collin." He holds out his hand for me to shake. "Callie. Nice to meet you standing up." He laughs, his eyes squint as he does but I can still see the bright green in them, his laugh almost knocks me back onto the floor again. His eyes linger on me for a minute, studying my face. I slide past him in the hallway to find Luke. 

"Hey uh, we're going to grab some food before we head home. You should come. Least I could do for knocking over your food...well, and then you." He smiles, his one hand slides into his front pocket, his other runs through his messy hair. "Sounds good. Meet you out front in 10?" He nods, walking the other direction to the lounge. I find Luke heading into the back, towards the room Andy and Liz are in. I stop him in, standing in the middle of the hallway, my arms stretched out so he can't get past me. "Hey Cal, what's up?" He crosses his arms, smirking at me. "Nothing, Collin asked if we wanted to get food so I wanted to ask you if you wanted to come. I know Liz probably won't with everything but I'd hate to go eat with a bunch of guys I barely know. I need a friend." He sighs. "FINE! But I'm not going to enjoy it." He turns and puts his arm around my shoulders. 

"Oh shit, I forgot my bag. I'll be right back." I run back inside, knocking on the door. "Hey, it's me. Open up." Andy and Liz walk out, laughing as they do. I stare at them, trying to read their faces. "Hey!" Liz chirps happily. "uh...hey." They look at each other and start laughing again hard. "Alright, well Collin invited me and now I'm inviting you guys, to get some food. I figured Andy was already going and I got Luke to come. Let's go." I grab Liz's arm and walk back out front. "How'd it go?" I whisper. "I'm staying with you tonight..well, Luke and I are so we'll talk later." We walk out arm in arm to the group. 

"Let's go, there's this great place open late." We all hop into their van, Collin driving and the rest of us pile in. I got in the back with Liz, begging her to tell me. "Shh, I'll tell you later!!!!" I could see she didn't want to tell me so I dropped it for now. We pull up to Sally's, the same place I go with Henry every Sunday morning. We all rush in, finding a booth in the back. "Hey Callie! Nice to see you!" Henry and I's usual waitress smiles as we walk by. I find myself sliding into the booth across from Collin. I catch his eyes on me, when I see him, he doesn't look away, he keeps his gaze, making me shift a little in my seat. I turn to Liz next to me but she's deep in conversation with Andy. Luke and one of the guitarists are scrolling their phones and chatting. I grab Liz getting her attention. "I gotta use the bathroom." She notices me begging eyes and slides out of the booth with me. I throw open the door and stand in front of the mirror, fixing my hair. All of the sudden I realized my shirt isn't cute, my jeans are a little loose on my butt, and my hair doesn't fall perfectly like Liz's. My boobs aren't perky enough and I didn't do a lot of makeup today. "Here.." Liz pulls out a bag from her purse and does some of my makeup and brushing my hair with a small brush. "I could see the way he looked at you." She braids a small piece of hair and pins it back behind my mess of long curls. 

"Can I be honest?" I turn to her and nod, she fiddles with the brush in her hands. "I know Collin a little. Hanging out with Andy means I've hung out with the rest of the guys a few times. Collin, he's nice and all at first but he's a huge player and Andy says he never really dates girls. He just brings them over once or twice and they sneak off to his bedroom. He's kind of secretive because of his childhood and family and all. He's a little reckless...dangerous." The words hang out in the air as she says them. "He doesn't seem dangerous. If anything, he seems like a goofy klutz." She doesn't smile or chuckle. "He is but he's not. Just trust me you'll be careful. I know we're not super close but I consider you one of my best friends now. It's hard to find friends who care and I can tell you'd do anything for anyone. I just don't want to see you get hurt." 

"I won't. Promise."


	11. Best of Friends

It's funny. The moment you leave home, you want to go back. But when you are home, you long for the places you will go. You cannot live away from it, but you cannot live within it. And it seems you are always yearning for some place that doesn't exist. I feel that, I still do. I'm never completely at home anywhere. 

I lay on the bed one morning, the sun peeking through the curtains. Casper curls up next to me, his soft purrs sing to me as I read. From my favorite books to the greatest literature. "The greatest happiness of life is the conviction that we are loved; love for ourselves, or rather, loved in spite of ourselves." 

I let the world of Emily Bronte and Vonnegut drift me into solace, into peace. Their words bring me comfort in every moment. I let their voices take me, drift me to some other place, far away from here. Casper's whiskers tickle at my leg, shocking me back to the reality. I'm running short on funds and it isn't going to last much longer. 

~

I take my usual walk through the city, trying to find any job that is suitable and one that makes me not want to kill myself. Dive bars and diners aren't really something I'd be interested in. As I keep walking, looking through the adds in the paper for jobs in the area, I find myself in front of the Neumos. A "help wanted" sign hands in the window, "inquire within" in smaller writing below it. I pull the doors open to the large, indoor concert venue. The stage lit up at the very back, a bar towards the far side, a balcony above overlooking the stage and a private area with tables and chairs. "Oi, what can I do for you?" A man walks over, sizing me up as he does, broom in hand. "Hi, I um...saw your sign in the window." Gesturing to the help wanted sign in the window out front. "Sure. And?" 

"Well, I was hoping for a job. Anything you got." He nods, running his hands through his hair. "Got any experience in the music industry?" His face is harsh but I can see the softness in his eyes. "Not particularly. But I'm a fast learner and hard worker. I never get sick or run late. I can learn whatever it is you need me to." He smiles. "Well alright then. Consider yourself part of the Neumos family. Can you start today?" I nod, he turns on his heels. "Follow me. We got a big show coming up in two weeks. We could use all the hands we can get." I follow him to the backstage area. Rooms set apart and a large area of couches and tables. A group of people sit around the couches, chatting and drinking some beers. "Everyone, I want you to meet our newest recruit." He turns to me, giving me a nudge with his face. "Oh hi, yes....I'm Callie. Callie Hendricks." They go around the room and introduce themselves and what they do. There are stage managers and front managers, bartenders and merch workers, lighting and sound techs. Everyone seems chill and relaxed, just what I needed. "Alright, Liv and Luke should be here any minute. They'll teach you the ropes." Just ask he finishes, a loud crash emanates from the door in the back of the room. A young guy and girl trample over each other to get through the frame. "Speak of the devil." He turns, they stand just inside the door, both out of breath and slightly sweating. 

"Sorry Dave, Luke forgot his wallet so we had to run home. Then he decided it was a good idea to race here." She bends over, holding her side and trying to catch her breath. "Well, you're just in time to meet Callie. I just hired her." He smiles. "Well hey...Dave, you never hire people on the spot! It took me seven tries and a little bit of groveling to get you to hire me." He chuckles. "You're the best groveler. How could I say no?" She makes her way over to me, lending out a hand. "Hey, I'm Olivia but everyone calls me Liv. This is my twin brother Lucas but we call him Luke." 

"I'm Calista, but everyone calls me Callie." I shake her hand. "Wow, what a cool ass name. Way better than mine." Luke laughs shaking my hand and running his hands through his hair. He looks me up and down, my black ripped jeans, fake Doc Martens and oversized flannel. "Damn girl, look at you! You'll fit right in with this rowdy, rat pack." Luke walks over, high five-ing and greeting the group. "Alright, let's get to work." She leads me to the break room, handing me a t-shirt with a logo and venue name on it, "Crew Member" in big, white letters across the back. "Alright, here is a headset, it mainly just goes in one of your ears so we can all chat when it's showtime, make sure everyone is in place and things are running smooth." She takes me on a tour of the venue, showing me all the spots we stay in. "So what is your main job? Like what do you usually do during shows?" She picks up some equipment and puts it on top of some others. "I do a lot actually. Sometimes bartending if someone calls in, backstage stuff, show runner when people need something. Making sure the band is all set up and everything is in place. Sometimes merch, sometimes I work the doors and check ID's and tickets. I do it all really." I nod, taking it all in. I've always wanted to work in a place like this. 

"So you'll be like my apprentice. Someone who is my right hand man. Luke and I have always done that. We've worked here since we were fourteen. Our parents loved this place so when we were able to, Uncle Dave gave us jobs." 

"Oh, Dave is your Uncle?" She laughs. "Kind of? Not by blood but he and my dad were best friends since they were kids. So he's basically like our uncle. He's a great guy. My dad always had him around like part of the family." I notice the way she talks about her parents, using past tenses. I decided not to ask, seemed to personal to bring up right now seeing as we just met. "So my job entails a lot and I've been doing it alone for a while. Luke helps much of the time but he also gets lost in the crowd during shows and enjoys hanging out with everyone so I end up doing most of the things on my own once the show starts. How about for the upcoming show, you manage some backstage stuff with me and then we can work on other stuff as we go?" I nod, she hands me a wristlet of keys and a lanyard. "The show on Friday is a big one so you might need to come in everyday with me to learn the ropes before then. Get acquainted with everyone and learn where everything is." She smiles, I smile back. "Sounds great! I'm pumped. Who's playing Friday?" She stands up straight, like I've almost offended her. 

"You heard of City Lights?" I shake my head, she chuckles. "They're a pretty popular band around here. Started in Seattle and now they tour around the world. They've had maybe two headliners so far but they're pretty big. They've toured with All Time Low, Mayday Parade, even did Warped Tour and some overseas festivals. They're awesome!" She turns back to the lighting board we're looking at, fiddling with some knobs to check the lights. "You a fan?" She gives me a side glance. "They're great and all, I had a fling with one of the guys and it didn't end well. Kinda ruined them for me." She turns back to the lights, ordering some guy to change some dim bulbs. "What a douche nozzle would give you up?" She laughs so much she snorts, making her and I almost tumble to the ground. We fall into each other, forcing ourselves to keep standing. Once we both contain ourselves she looks at me and grins. "You know.." slinging her arm around my shoulders, "I think we're going to be great friends." She keeps her arm there, mine slung around her waist as we walk to the back office. "Lighting is all set, alcohol is stocked on the shelves, merch table is set up so when they get here we can hang everything. We can work on backstage stuff but I think Callie has learned enough for one day." Dave nods and smiles from behind his desk. "See you tomorrow!" He turns back to his paperwork which covers his desk. I follow Liv to the lounge area where everyone was sitting before. Luke stands in the doorway, leaning against it. 

"Grab your shit. You...are coming with us." She walks over, standing beside Luke in the door. I grab my bad and sling it over my shoulder. I follow them out the back doors and down the alley. Liv takes out a joint, lighting it up and passing it to Luke. "So," blowing out a puff. "Where are you from?" We walk slow, down the alley covered in puddles from the days rain. "Originally, south California." 

"No shit, have you met anyone? Like anyone famous?" Luke swoons, passing the joint to me. "Nah, I wasn't near any of the cool spots. More suburban area, I mainly just hung out at friends." I take a long inhale and pass it to Liv. "So, how'd you end up here?" I knew it was bound to come up eventually. There's no point in hiding it. "I left home. My parents...weren't the greatest. So, I packed up my shit, bought a bus ticket and got off here. I'm staying at a motel just outside of the city. It's run by this great, older guy Henry." We finish off the joint and head to a restaurant down the street from the venue. "So, how'd you guys end up here?" We order some fries and settle into the booth. 

"Well, our parents died a few years back, car accident. So we moved in with our Uncle Dave. We've been trying to find a place for us but everything is so expensive here. Luke and I have always been inseparable so it makes sense to get a place together." As the fries come, Liv stuffs a handful into Lukes mouth, making us all crack up laughing in the booth. It feels nice to have people to be around..friends.


	12. The New Me

"What can I get you?" The bartender comes up to me, sitting in the middle on a wooden barstool. "Strongest thing you got." I run my hands through my hair, still wet from the rain outside. My t-shirt loose but still tucked in. The bartender puts a half filled glass in front of me with a nod. I take it back in one shot, letting the brown colored liquid burn on the way down. I hold the glass up, signaling for another. He fills it to the top this time, giving a nod again as he heads to the other side of the bar. I sip this one slower, letting the burn take its time, feeling the warmth in my stomach. Spinning it my hand, I feel a soft touch on my shoulder. 

"Hi there." A woman slides into the seat next to me. I turn my body to her. "Now what do I owe the pleasure?" I let my guard down, smiling as her bright eyes look me up and down, my focus goes right to her Lucious tits half out of her shirt. "Just the pleasure of your company, sir." Her hand lingers down my pant leg. I take back the rest of my drink and put the money on the bar. I stand, wrapping my arm around her waist and leading her out of the bar. 

I catch my breath, falling beside her in her bed. Lighting up a cigarette while she slides out of bed, pulling up her panties but leaving her tits exposed in the dim lighting. "So, that was intense." She smiles as she walks off into the bathroom. "Had to get some frustration out of my system." I take a long drag, letting it billow out into the air. She walks back in, a silky robe covering her long, tan legs, loosely wrapped so her tits still show a little. Her tight body slides back into bed, taking the cigarette from my hand, counting money in her hands with her long, painted fingernails. "$1,000, just like last time." She hands it to me, I stuff it in the pocket of my jeans, taking the cigarette back from her. "That piece of shit took all of my money and ran off. Every last cent, gone. I hope she dies out there, alone somewhere. No good, piece of trash." I take a swig of the bottle of vodka next to the bed. 

Good. Riddance. 

Walking down the busy streets of Seattle, it feels so much different than the small town back in California. It's freeing, loud, hopeful. The lights all around and the people nod as they pass you in the street. I walk down different avenues, no destination in mind, no place to be, no one to worry about hitting me if I snuck in too late at night. I pass by coffeeshops and late-night diners, businesses closed until tomorrow and clothes stores. I walk into the night, without the darkness from the lights of the city. "Come see City Lights, LIVE at Neumos! Doors at 5, show starts at 6! Get your tickets now!" A girl screams down the street, handing out flyers to on-lookers. She hands me one as I walk by, continuing her screams into the street, I look over the light yellow flyer, some scattered on the ground covered in mud and shoe prints. 

"City Lights-Seattle's up-and-coming band. Tickets and merch on sale now. Follow as @ citylightswa on instagram, twitter, and Facebook! Debut album: Falling is out NOW! Friday 5/13 Doors at 5!"

I read through the bottom lines, explaining who they are, where they come from. The back has some tour dates listed, opening for a much larger, well-known band across the county. I slip it into my bag. I've always been one for local music scenes and Seattle is a great place for local music and artists. It's only a few weeks away so I have time to reminisce whether to go or not. 

After hours of walking around downtown, I find myself completely lost. Luckily, there is one place I've been meaning to get to. After some asking passer-by's on the street I locate a small electronics store, still open later at night but just about to start close up. The door dings as I enter, the small store equipped with glass cases of used electronics and accessories. "How can I help you miss?" The older store owner asks, slightly annoyed I'm coming in just before closing time. "I'm sorry to come in late but I'm new to town and am not sure my way around." He nods, his face softening at my over-used excuse. "I'm looking for a cell phone. Preferably one not too outdated with a simple plan of data I can afford." He smiles, leading me to the case of older flip phones and Blackberrys. I scan over the phones, trying to find something not from the years before I was even born. He watches me, but realizes I'm not seeing what I need. He holds up a finger, gesturing me to hold on a moment while he checks the back. After a few moments he returns. A small, rectangular box in his hand. "Now, it's not the latest version, not even the version before the one that is currently being sold but, I think it will do." He opens the case to an old iPhone. Still block-like with a home button but the screen and backing in mint condition. "I had a young kid come in a get some cash for it a few days ago. I hadn't put it out in the case yet since I just finished making sure the memory was reset and the glass was fixed. 

He hands it to me, I look it over. It opens with ease and still able to use a more current update. "I'll take it. How much is a data plan I can afford but still has calling, texting, and internet access?" I shuffle through my bag to find my wallet. "$25 a month for unlimited calling and texting. You have a limited amount of data each month that won't cost anything but if you go over there is a small fee. You can avoid going over if you are in wifi when using your data. But the amount of data you get is pretty decent for the price." He takes out some paperwork for me to sign and hands me a pen. "Phone is in total $200, but I can just add a small amount each month to your bill to cover it if you'd like." He smiles as I write down all my information until I stop at permanent address. "I, uh.. I don't have a current, permanent address. I'm staying at the motel just off route 55 until I can find a job and an apartment." He nods. "That will be fine, Ms." I hand him the paperwork and a starting fee for the phone and plan. He updates the phone so it's hooked up to the plan and hands it over. "You are all set. You can come in and pay every month when you are able. But if you miss more than two in a row the plan will turn off and you will not be able to use the phone." I nod, thanking him as I walk out the door. First thing to do is erase my entire old life for this new one. The new me. 

~~

I lay in the bed of the motel room. The sheets still smell like fresh linen laundry detergent and old wood. The carpet is stained just on the inside of the door in front of the radiator where it's brown colored fibers stay a blueish tint. Whatever could someone have spilled blue on this rug to make it impossible to remove? I roll over in bed, pulling the covers up more and opening my phone. I deleted all possible traces of the old me, Instagram, Facebook, Twitter...all of it. They can't know where I went.

Firstly, what will my username be? How can I be conspicuous and anonymous? I lean back on the headboard, candles burning around the room. I've made this place something like home. It makes me sad to think one day, I'll leave it. I won't see Henry everyday leaving my room while he waves from his office, the small black cat that roams around the lot. I look at the stack of books in the corner. Some I picked up at bookshops, some Henry leaves outside the door for me to read. Our Sunday breakfasts have become tradition over the last few weeks, I look forward to them. I grab the book off my nightstand, a classic for me. Something I've read cover to cover multiple times I could almost recite it word for word. "I go to seek a Great Perhaps." I start typing to find a username that hasn't been used. @ agreatperhaps has yet to be taken on all social platforms. I sign up for all of them, adding a picture that Henry caught of me on a polaroid in the diner one Sunday morning. I don't follow any of my old friends, blocking anyone that could trace me. Slipping my phone onto the nightstand, I curl up in bed with my book. Letting the crazy world of Alaska and Pudge take over. 

In the middle of the night, I'm shaken awake by small cries outside my door. I look through the peephole but there's no one outside. I wait quietly, and I still hear the cries, almost in pain. I open the door and crack it slightly. I see the black cat laying on the ground a few doors down. The air is cold and misty, he looks disheveled, starved, and a small bite taken out of his ear is bleeding on the ground. I run inside, grabbing a throw blanket from the bottom of the bed. I scoop him up, a howl pierces my ears as I lay him on the bed. I hold some pressure on his ear, against his movements to stop some of the bleeding. It looks like he got in a fight with some other animal and lost. 

After a few hours, he drifts off and the cries stopped. I watch him, making sure he is still breathing. In the morning, I wrap him up in the blanket and knock on the office door. Henry shuffles to the door, seeing my hands full. "What is all this?" He says, making his way to the desk and moving somethings around to lay him down. "I heard him crying outside last night so I wrapped him up in this blanket. I didn't know what to do but I couldn't leave him." He sees the desperation in my eyes, petting the cats uneven, patchy fur. "I figure with a quick trip to the vet and some food and warmth, he'll be just fine." He smiles at me, turning to grab his coat and hat. "Let's go my dear. The day's a wasting!" I follow him out, getting into his car with the cat on my lap. He curls up against me in the blanket. 

After the vet, they couldn't save his ear from having a large chunk taken out but said he'll be just fine. He is severely malnourished and looks like he's been living outside for a long time. With some food and a bath, the vet said he should recover just fine. Henry takes me to a small grocery so I can buy some supplies for him. I hadn't planned on keeping him living in a motel but luckily, Henry has a big heart for animals, and for me. I set up a small tower for him in the corner next to the bed, a bed at the foot of my bed he could lay in and plenty of toys. Henry sits on the bed while I set up a bath. 

"What are you going to name him?" He asks, playing with a small mouse on a string while he tries to swat at it. "Not sure, I think I'll have to see what he acts like around me." I feel the water, warm enough to clean him. "Alright, I best get back to the front desk before anyone wonders where I am." He tips his hat and walks out the door. I grab the cat, putting him into the tub, he slides around in the water, licking it periodically. He looks at me, his face almost smiling as I wash him off with loads of soap. He sits calmly and patiently letting me comb out his fur, barely even moving. After we get out, I towel dry him, brushing his fur again on the bed. He curls up against me, purring softly but I can feel his body vibrate. Without even knowing me, he trusted me. He let me take care of him, bathe him, snuggle him. I watch as his eyes fall droopy curling up next to my legs on the bed. I slowly and carefully stroke his head between his eyes and head. I hear his soft purrs as he sleeps. He was friendly from the instant I met him weeks ago, rubbing up against my leg, letting me pet him. 

"I think I'll call you...Casper."


	13. The Dance Floor

After we all finish our food, the waitress picks up all of the plates and puts the check down on the table. "Whenever you're ready." One of the guys grabs it before any of us have time to process and slides his card on it. We pile out of the diner and the boys head to the car. "Can we give you a ride?" I shake my head, it's close enough to walk and I wouldn't want anyone else finding out I currently live out of a motel. "Nah we're good, our place is close!" Liz pipes up and says anything before my brain has time to react. We watch them drive off and head towards the motel. "So, when are you going to move out of the motel?" Luke asks as I focus on kicking a pebble while we walk. "Not sure, the places around here are expensive. Plus you AND Liz are struggling to find a place." I unlock the door to my room, Casper jumps up and runs, purring at our ankles. "Hey little guy." Liz picks him up, he nudges into her neck. "Who's this?" She asks, plopping on the bed. "That's Casper. He was a stray that hung out around here and he was injured so I took him in." 

"So sweet! He's such a cutie!" She swoons. I roll up a joint for us and sit on the bed leaning against the headboard. Casper jumps right out of her arms onto the side of my lap, snuggling against my leg. "So, tell me what happened?" I take a puff and pass it to Luke. "Okay, well, we were in the closet..." 

Liz:

"Andy, I can't talk to you, enough is enough." I push away from him, heading to the door. What's the point of any of this? I'm still completely broken from what he did. I had a crush on him for years before I even met him, and once I did I just knew there was something. "Just listen to me! I need to explain something and you need to keep it between us." His face is no longer soft and begging. I can see the anger and hurt in his eyes. He holds my hands in his, "I promise. Just don't waste my time." I move over and sit on a couch on the wall. This is the old break room but since Uncle Dave added the extension, it's just a storage closet. He sits, taking a deep breath and gathers himself.

"I need you to know that I had every intention of texting and calling and keeping in touch. I really did, I swear. But there was a lot that happened soon after we left for tour and I just couldn't keep up with everything. I swear, there wasn't someone else and I didn't just ghost you like you think I did." I nod, shuffling in the seat as I see how hard and uncomfortable he is. "It was about Collin. Soon after we left, his mom died. She was an addict and she finally took too much. She ended up in the ER in Philly so we flew there from Vegas right away and he had to look at her. After that, he took off. We didn't hear from him for two days, we looked everywhere but he turned his phone off and didn't contact us. Finally, one night I got a phone call at 2 am from a payphone. Collin was somewhere in Philly and when we picked him up, he was completely trashed, covered in bruises, hadn't showered in two days. We got him back to the hotel and put him in the shower and into bed. He woke up the next morning like nothing had happened. We were so fucking scared he was dead. He just ran off, and he hasn't done that in a long time. Not since his mom's first overdose, she had done it a few times before then but this final time, they couldn't save her. His dad was over in Ireland dealing with some business stuff with his brother so they couldn't get back. He had to identify her and everything Liz. He was so broken, I thought we'd lost him for good." 

I can see him holding back tears, he sniffles them back and continues. 

"So we continue on the tour but I know something was still bothering him about the whole thing. Finally one night after a show before we were coming back, we sat him down in the wagon and asked him what happened. I guess seeing her brought stuff back from when he was in high school. He was kind of a bad ass but not in a good way. He partied a lot, drank a lot, even did a bunch of drugs. The band got him out of it, it gave him an outlet to put all his energy and emotions and that just tipped him over the edge. He went out that night and went on a total bender. We couldn't stop him, we couldn't save him. I'm scared that the next time that happens, we'll lose him too.." 

He let's a few tears go this time, I wipe them away with my finger, putting my hands on his. "I'm here for you Andy. I always have been. All you needed to say is you were having problems with the guys or with the tour and I would've understood!" He nods. "I know that now. I was just scared. I was scared of losing you and what we started. I guess the whole thing was just stupid because that's exactly what happened." I look right at him now, holding his face in my hand. "Andy, I totally get it. I can't be mad at that at all, there's no reason to be. I didn't think it was about me , I just had a lot of bad experiences with guys so I figured it was just happening all over again. I was mad at myself. I've had a crush on you for a while, being somewhat of a fan of the band and everything. Once we started hanging out it was great and then when you stopped talking to me, I thought it was over because of me." He pulls me close and hugs me. "It was never about you. I'm so sorry." 

Callie: 

I watch Liz long enough to realize my mouth was practically on the floor. It was quiet for a minute after until Luke finally breaks the silence in the room. "Holy..Fucking..Shit.." She nods at us, agreeing that it's insanely fucking crazy. "But you CAN'T tell anyone I told you. Especially any of the guys. I guess when they got back, Collin went into like a rehab? But not like a rehab? More like somewhere with therapists and stuff to talk to. He didn't like stay there, he only went during the day and stayed at home with his Dad and brother. I guess he hasn't really been at his old ways, with girls I guess. He used to be kind of a player like I told you but he's just been focusing on him." I sit back against the headboard and pet Casper as he sleeps on my lap. 

"Alright, enough of this sad crap, what do you guys wanna do?" Liz stands in the middle of the room. I shrug, not really in the mood to do anything now. "Let's go, grab your shit, we need fun." She throws my bag at me and Luke his jacket walking to the door. "LET'S. GOOOOO." She walks out the door slamming it shut, Luke and I just look at each other. The door cracks open and Liz pokes her head in, "if you two aren't out here in FIVE MINUTES, I will personally, kick both of your asses." She closes the door softer this time and Luke and I grab our things and walk out. "Thank god, let's go!" She stand between us, putting her arms through ours and we walk back towards the city. 

~

"What can I get you guys?" He says from behind the bar. "Three vodka sodas and three shots of tequila!" Liz yells over the loud music in the bar. He nods and starts pouring the drinks. "Wow, this is the busiest I've ever seen this place." The bartender hands her the drinks and we walk over to a booth in the back with Luke. "On three...one, two , three." We all down the shots of the cheapest tequila I've ever had. Which might cost more than the ones I used to drink back home, so this is an upgrade. We finish our drinks and I head back to the bar to get more. I look back as Liz and Luke are joking around and laughing back at the table. I notice a group of guys hanging on the front side of the bar by the windows. I notice someone sitting, his eyes on me between eh crowd of people in the bar, it makes me shift my stance while waiting for our vodka sodas. I keep trying to look away and avoid his gaze but I keep going back to him. He grins devilishly, swirling his drink in his hand. I let a smile through my painfully aware gaze back, more nervous of meeting a dude in a bar than I should be. The bartender is busy talking to some blonde at the end of the bar. 

"Takes forever to get some crappy service around here." I look over, the guy from the other side of the bar, he stands next to me, close enough to almost touch but barely. He calls out loud to the bartender who finally realizes we were here, he quickly makes the drinks when the guy is pushed into me. "Hey watch it." He turns and yells at the guy behind him. "Sorry about that." I nod. "Thanks for the drinks!" I grab them and head back to the table. "Wait! I didn't get your name!" He calls after me. "Didn't ask for it." I yell back in triumph. I slide into the booth and hand the drinks to Liz and Luke. "Who was that?" Luke leans into me, whispering. "No idea, came up to me at the bar, trying to act all smooth talk." Luke looks over, nodding to the guy at the bar as he continues to stare over here. "LET'S GO DANCING." Liz grabs me by the arm and waltz's us down the street to a dance club, she runs out to the floor covered in confetti and bright lights. The music so loud, I can barely hear my own inner thoughts, which might actually be a blessing. Liz grabs me by the hand and pulls me out with her, dancing to the music. She shakes her hips at me, guiding me to the music against her. She smiles through the part in her hair which covers her face. I feel hands on the back side of my hips and spin to see the guy from the bar. "Did you follow me here?" I yell over the incredibly loud bass that thumps almost against my chest. "Maybe." He grins as he yells into my ear, pulling me closer to him. This time, I notice his bright green eyes and dark, messy but tamed hair. He leans in close, "I could use a drink," nodding to the bar behind me, he takes my hand before I can respond, forcing me to follow. "A beer and a cosmo." I look at him as he turns to me. 

"What makes you think I'd order a cosmo?" He chuckles and looks me up and down. I look over my outfit. Tight, ripped dark wash jeans, a loose crop top and knee high boots. "No thank you," I lean in to the bartender who is making a drink in front of him, he looks up just before pouring. "I'll have a gin and tonic and a shot of tequila." He nods as I turn back to the bar guy. "So, why'd you follow me?" He smiles again, chuckling like I've made a joke. "I saw you back at the bar and I couldn't take my eyes off you, not even if I tried. So I wanted to talk to you again and when you left, I figured the only way to talk to you was to see where you were going." He leans on the bar, his black t-shirt and black pants leave much to the imagination and little to the eye. "That might be the worst excuse I've ever head..no wait, it's definitely, the worst excuse I've ever heard." I let out a laugh as the bartender hands me my drinks. I down the shot of tequila and use the gin and tonic as a chaser. "Damn, you're a badass." He smiles, sipping his beer. 

I watch as he drinks his beer slow, scoping out the room. I notice how his black t-shirt accentuates his broad chest, tight enough I can see his muscles but not too tight it seems unnatural. His black leather jacket seems warn, almost as if he uses it as his suit of armor. Black wash jeans are tight around his thighs. His hair is messy but slicked enough it looks like he combed it but also just rolled out of bed. I notice a small part of a tattoo that comes over his collarbone, one noted on the inside of his fingers and slightly peaking out of his sleeve. Finally, I look up at him, meeting his eyes as the flashing lights brighten the green specks in his eyes. His lips are pink as he runs his tongue along them, watching me watch him. I set my empty glass on the bar, stepping closer to him, closing the distance between us. "Let's dance." I grab his hand, leading him to the dance floor. He places my arms over his neck and pulls my body to his, enough that our clothes touch, our hips move in sync to the music. He keeps his eyes on mine, flickering between my lips and my eyes. 

We say nothing as our bodies move to the rhythm of the blasting music. And suddenly, it's quiet. As if the people, the music, the bodies dancing around us disappeared. The flashing lights stood still around us, as if time was moving in slow motion. I feel his hand move up and around the back of my neck, as he pulled my head upward to meet his. His mouth is soft against mine, something I didn't think they would be. I expected harsh and wanting to fuck me more than kiss me softly in the middle of the dance floor. Moving in sync, we stay frozen for what seems like hours. When we pull apart, I can barely breathe. He smiles, looking almost embarrassed. 

I feel a tug on my arm and turn to see Liz in front of me. "Can we go? I'm really tired and drunk and I need to sleep." I nod, turning to the guy I just kissed on the dance floor. "We're gonna head out. It was fun." I turn to leave with Liz, once we reach the front doors and head down the street, I hear loud footsteps. I turn to see him running down the street. "I couldn't leave without getting your number. I would love to see you again." I put it into his phone and hand it back to him. He pulls the phone to his ear as mine rings in my bag. "Just wanted to make sure you didn't give me a phony number." He flashes a smile and walks back down the street, meeting his friends in front of the club we were all at. I pull Liz closer and the three of us head back down the road towards the motel.


End file.
